A
female
age
36-40,
*arm
writes:Should i let my husband have sex with other women because of a fetish for huge boobs? My husband and I have been together for 4 years (married for almost 2) we have a 1 year old little boy and our second baby is due in june. He has a fetish/attraction to women with out of proportion/huge breasts! when we first met he told me this and i was ok with it as its a fetish he obviously liked me... we had a great sex life e.t.c he proposed we got married e.t.c This however has always been an issue in our relationship, he watches porn all the time and seems to go through phazes where all he can think about is huge breasts he spends hours trawling through women on facebook looking for someone with huge breasts. At the beginning of the year he told me he wants to be single because he just really wants to sleep with women with huge breasts. He said and has always said i am perfect for him in everyway apart from the breast issue. I love him and really enjoy our life together apart from this issue. If we split up i can honestly see him being miserable because he doesnt have a meaningful relationship and flitting from one woman to another becoming very stressed as he was when we met. DO i let him sleep with someone in the hope he gets it out of his system and becomes himself again or do we go on with this hanging over us.... I am aware our relationship is on the edge and this could break it or make it work again and for the record i am a tall attractive woman with a good curvy but not overweight figure, i do have large breasts just not huge and out of proportion with my body. He is not bothered what the woman looks like just that their breasts look too big for their body. any serious advice is welcomed if you are going to reply with a stupid insensitive answer - dont waste your time
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): will your hb allow you to have sex with another man because this other man has a bigger penis than his???
LoveGirl
A
male
reader, dave2  +, writes (24 July 2011):
Im kind of in the same boat as your huspand. Im not married, but I do have a girlfriend with 42GG breasts. It took me a very long time to find her, and the best part is that I like everything about her, and not just her breasts.
I believe your huspand truely loves you, or he wouldn't have gone as far as to marry you and have a kid.
The breast fetish is something he just can't control, its wired into him and its something your not going to be able to change even with counsoling.
I think the main issue here is that you don't want him going behind your back, setting up dates with these woman and having sex?
Here is my suggestion....
Go out and find another woman who has large breasts, wether that be a friend of yours or even an escort.
Setup a threesome, so you can be there when he sees this other woman. The rule is that he can only touch this ladys breasts. He is not allowed to have sex with her, or do anything else. This where you come in and take over that part.
If your huspand is like me, its not so much about the sex but getting to play with breasts. Many times me and my girlfriend don't have sex, and the entire time she will let me play with her breasts while she gives me a hand job.
I might be wrong, but im pretty sure all your huspand wants to do is play with big breasts. I don't see an issue with that as long as he is NOT having sex with these ladies.
Thats why you do the threesome and supervise.
This might not be the perfect ansewer that your looking for, but if I was your huspand it would work for me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2011): HI, being very touched by your post, I was just wondering how are things now?
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A
female
reader, carm +, writes (18 March 2011):
carm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the annonoymus male reader! You are exactly like my husband. He has a sexual obession just like you. He has finally realised the extent of his problem when he gets in his obsessed phase it takes over and ruins his life, he doesnt wnat to socialise e.t.c. He hasnt taken the step to go for counselling yet unfortunatally for me i am his counseller.Personally for the sake of your girlfriends sanity as long as you are able to deal with it on your own dont tell her!! I wish i didn't know about his obsession and he felt the need to watch porn in private e.t.c It would be so much easier for me. While i understand it is an obsession/addiction for him much the same as alcohol or gambling is for some people, it still makes me doubt my figure and sexual appeal. I find i am becoming obsessed with how my breasts look and i hate walking down the street seeing someone who would fulfill his fantasy and comparing them to myself. I know we have a meaningfull relationship and when he is relaxed things are great however i now dont trust him, i remember all the horrible things he has said to me when he has been in one of his obsessed states and to be honest as much as i love him i can never forgive him for that. I hope you manage to find a happy medium and deal with your issues successfully.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011): HI, I am gonna add a different point of view here because I must say that I recognize myself in the picture you described of your husband. As hard as it can be for me to say it, I am in the same position he is. Since the first time I saw big breasts on tv, I have been obsessed with them. I got to say I never stopped being obsessed. Since age 12 I collected pornography with big breasts, once in a while I would turn around and throw it all to the garbage.. and then start over a little while after...
Now I am 28 and still obsessed. I got to say I know very well where to find what I want to see on the internet, and once in a while I become that 12 years old child again....
I have a girlfriend since 2 years now and I gotta say it has been hard for me to keep a girlfriend because all my ex girlfriend had small breasts. I fell in love with them and truly loved them but this obsession would always bring doubt back in my mind. Doubt that I would be more sexually satisfied with a busty woman.
This is part of me, and I'm learning to live with it. I'm doing counseling since last year and It has really helped me to get to see the bigger picture. Here are things I've learned and try to apply in my life.
-Women aren't objects, you just can't design someone in your head and expect to find her in reality. It's just not how life is. People are complex and beautiful in so many ways.
-This is a circle thing, leaving my girlfriend would lead to trying to find a girl with my vision on the perfect body, but then realizing that I miss the connection which makes everything work!
-I never told my actual girlfriend about my obsession because I believe that some things just can't be said. It can break little things that would never be as before... I think this is my combat and all the answers will come from me. It can be really heavy though... Until now, I still believe it should be kept secret.
-The auto sexuality that I live with internet porn just exists with myself. It's a one direction thing. I got to admit that sexuality with a partner is something else to explore and discover.
Now all these things are clever, but in reality it's hard. I got through phases where I am completely obsessed. I walk in the streets and have troubles concentrating on simple conversations because I'm constantly staring around.
These are phases where obviously I don't feel good with myslef. I feel like something is keeping me from being the person that I dream to be. I also feel like I don't deserve my girlfriend, I feel like a liar just to have small talk and ''pretend'' like I'm living normally. The thing is I know it is going to come back!! I know I'm gonna be relaxed and not think about my obsession again... until I refall into it...
As for your situation, I say you shouldn't leave him sleep with other women. If he wants to do it, He needs to know there is a danger behind that, the danger of losing the girl he loves.
Also, if he does go on the search for big breasts, He'll probably find that what he is searching for does not exists but is just his mind wandering around fantasysing...
I got to say I wonder how would be my situation if I went total disclosure with my girlfriend.. I can't think of a good ending though...
Well, pardon my bad english and I hope this helps.
PS: i came to this post by searching the words ''big breasts obsession ruining relashionship''. I was in a doubts period, now it,s better.
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A
male
reader, Markv  +, writes (7 March 2011):
I've gotta say, the picture you paint of yourself is an extremely attractive one.
As for your husband for wanting to look otherwise.
He seems crazy.
That is all.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2011): NO, no, no. Please, this is not how people who love and cherish each other act. He will only want more if you give in, and it will ruin your self esteem.
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A
female
reader, carm +, writes (18 February 2011):
carm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your oppinions it is helping me.
In relation to your questions- he has had at least 3 serious relationships (i.e living together for a number of years) none of these women had huge breasts. In the 2years before we met he had a holiday one night stand with an itallian woman who was curvy with large breasts then had an on off relationship with a girl 10years younger for a few months. She was 5ft 2 with large breasts.
When we met they were still on off (they lived 2hrs apart and she lived with parents would meet up now and again he war sleeping with other women) he hated her as a person but was obsessed with her figure.
I'm 6ft slim but curvy and do have big breasts however there is a good ft and a half between where my breasts are and my tummy button! This ex would not even be as tall as my shoulders. Its also not big he liks its huge!
Yes he thinks like this but must love me otherwise he would not have married me and would just leave if he really wanted too.
I'm a rational person and not stupid, I know its become an unhealthy obsession and most likley go away. We have talked about counselling but he won't go he won't even discuss it with anyone. I'm the only person he will talk to.
I feel that if I give him the option and he does sleep with someone we will be over. I wouldn't be able to forgive him but at least there would be closure on the matter.
He either won't do it because he really doesn't want to or he will do it feel guilty, realise how much he loves me but it will be too late.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): Hi
Serious answer....i think you know deep down he is off his rocker wanting to be single because of this...Hope you don't DISFIGURE yourself physically emotionally or spiritually in the end to feed this....not insensitive but honest, but your choice.
spunky monkey
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): No, you should not let him sleep with other women. He needs to go to counseling to get over this obsession because that is what it sounds like.
It's a mental health issue. Someone who would leave a family and a wife he loves for big breasts is mentally imbalanced and he is not someone you want to be with.
Sorry, but if he will not get through this then you need to let go as painful as it may be he is not worth it if he will leave you over this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2011): I really don't know how to answer, exactly. I just wanted to express my sympathy! I hope you will find your way to a good, sane, loving conclusion that works for you. If you are open to an amateur opinion...1. He loves you and married you.2. He has always had this weakness. 3. It has gotten out of hand.4. He watches porn or looks at photos of women, searching for his dream feature.5. He is making an object of the women he observes. 6. Bodies do not come "made to order". 7. He can connect emotionally, you know this because he married you. 8. He has withdrawn, but it may be reversible. 9.. He has to WANT to. He may need addiction counseling, because this is controlling and defining his life. It is defining his concept of sexual gratification and pleasure, and he is pursuing that definition to the exclusion of a formerly caring and solid bond. 10. Even if he does not get counseling, you should, in my estimation, for the support it would bring, and the possible clarity.11. You might worry more (read, think about and plan ahead for) your future and that of your son, and less about his. His addiction MUST not be allowed to define you, even if it does impact you. 12. Get a plan in place that will allow you to survive and to thrive emotionally and financially on your own. Have it ready to implement on your own time table and at your own discretion.13. I honestly don't think you want to let him sleep with other women. You might point out to him, if he can even HEAR you over the noise of his incessant focus on breasts, that he has already been "sleeping" with these women in his mind anyway. I just don't like the implications of what abdicating the actual monogamy in your marriage would do to your self-esteem. It might bring a relief in stress, temporarily. Your mate would probably be gratified, temporarily. But the whole process would be a never-ending cycle of capitulation, hopelessness and agony. You deserve better. (I don't mean he is a morally bad person, though I don't like the circumstances his choices/addictions have forced on you.) I just mean that you really have to take care of yourself in this situation. It's antithetical to how we conceive of romantic partnerships, and marriage, where we give and hope to get. But here, you will get nothing unless he changes drastically, and you will give more than you could possibly afford in terms of emotional energy, dignity, sense of self. Your son also would not be benefited by exposure to this dynamic close-up and long term, which may become an issue if your spouse leaves you and shares custody, or if you do in fact decide to offer him the option of sleeping with other women. Maybe you have in your memory a significant male figure, whether father, brother, friend, whose VOICE in your head would help you identify what is wrong with this picture and why, and how you might extricate yourself form the insanity your partner is perpetuating in his own life. The spillover into yours is unintended, perhaps, but inescapable. All you can do is try to mitigate it in the present, and escape it in the future.
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (17 February 2011):
 I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. I imagine you are feeling very hurt right now. Many men find large breasts desirable, but your husband is so consumed by this fetish that it has become an obsession. Is your husband open to getting counseling for his obsession? Have you asked him?
I did some quick research on fetishes and found some interesting information for you. According to WebMD… fetishes are “sexual urges associated with non-living objects.” The article then goes on to say, “A related disorder, called partialism, involves becoming sexually aroused by a body part, such as the feet, breasts, or buttocks.” Here is the link:
http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/paraphilias-overview
I have to give your husband credit for being upfront about his fetish, and for letting you know he wants to be single, rather than carry on an affair behind your back. If he is unwilling to seek counseling, you need to do what is best for you and your child. I would recommend separating for a while.
I do have some questions for you. Before you were with your husband, did he have any sexual encounters with his “ideal” woman? If so, how many of these women has he been with? If he has already had sex with women with enormous breasts, why does he need to do it again? Obviously, his desire is still there, so how will it make any difference this time if he goes out and has sex with more of these women? It may help him for a while, but I don’t see this as a permanent cure. If he is unwilling to seek counseling, are you going to let him have sex with other women every few years, so he can get this out of his system? Is he already carrying on an emotional affair with one of these “ideal” women?
I do look forward to your response. In the meantime, stay positive!
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A
male
reader, Sav +, writes (17 February 2011):
NO WAY !
If you do it will ruin anything you have together. He needs to know how lucky he is to have you and his kids.
Tell him he has a problem and needs to sort it out or loose what he has !
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (17 February 2011):
Short answer: No.
Nothing else needs to be said
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (17 February 2011):
Absolutely no way would I let him sleep with someone because he likes large boobs. I don't think it would get it out of his system but rather the opposite. And really, can you honestly say that you would be ok with him sleeping with another woman especially if your relationship is already on the edge?
Good luck but I vote no way!
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