A
female
age
30-35,
*elanie Francis
writes:My boyfriend hasn't got much money but he got a full time job a few months ago. He had been waiting to be paid but the company was waiting for all the paperwork to go through first so when he eventually got paid it would be in a lump sum (back dated so quite a bit of money which I believe he got about a month ago).From what I know, apart from the lump sum he gets about £300 per week but has to pay £135 for rent per week. I know he wants to save up money but he frequently asks me to cook for him most days. He never has to really pay for food because it's always at mine.He would say "are you cooking tonight" he has never asked to pay for the ingredients or buy a soft drink or something for us to have with the food. It is costing me a lot of money to buy this food and I normally pay for meals out. He would say can you get this one today.Am I wrong in thinking that he should be contributing at least something? Is it right that people don't know what there doing wrong unless you mention it to them?I have been doing this for ages now and maybe I am to blame for this. He said recently that all he thinks about is money and its constantly on his mind. He added that money just seems to go like that and then finished off by saying "am i cooking tonight?"
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (17 March 2016):
 I can't improve on Tisha's advice.
READ it and have a chat with him.
YES, you have "spoiled him" by doing all this cooking and paying for him for a long time, but that doesn't mean that you are NOW stuck doing it forever.
Now that he has a full time job, he might want to consider paying HIS share or at the LEAST contributing with buying food or giving you some shopping money.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2016):
 He is taking advantage of you and its not fair. I understand that you helped him when he did not have a good income, but now that he does he is still taking from you and not giving you anything in return, it is totally not fair and you need to talk to him about this before it build up to you disliking him. Just be honest and say you want him to make more off an effort, if you don't mind cooking well then tell him to buy the ingredients and help with the clean up, its only fair. He has gotten used to you spoiling him but now he needs to realize that he needs to do the same back to you.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 March 2016):
 Have you talked with him about this?
Or said, “I’m cooking tonight but only have enough for myself as it’s leftovers.”
“I can’t afford to pay for your meals and mine every time. I’m happy to pay my share but can’t always pay for you.
“If you want me to cook a meal, I’m happy to do so but you’ll have to bring the ingredients. I have olive oil, butter, salt and pepper so you won’t have to buy those.”
Or Melanie, it may be past time to let him know that the free meal thing is over.
“Matthew, you’ve just asked if I’m cooking tonight. You’ve asked this a lot and I’m starting to feel resentful because I’m the one cooking the meal as well as the one who is buying all the ingredients. I know you’ve been short of cash but I am beginning to feel that I’m being taken advantage of.
Is it right that people don’t know what they are doing wrong unless you mention it to them, you ask.
Well, you now know that this is bothering you. You are aware that you are paying for and cooking most of your boyfriend’s meals.
So, you will have to decide if you have the courage to deal with this face to face.
“Matthew, I know that you are worried about money and it’s always on your mind, as you said that recently. You then asked me if I am cooking tonight.
“It pains me to have to say this to you but it’s begun to annoy me, that you expect me to provide your meals for you.
“Yes, I’m cooking tonight. For myself. If you want me to cook for you then by all means ask me politely, and beforehand, and offer to do the shopping. Buy the ingredients for the meal.
“I’m actually annoyed with myself that it’s taken me this long to tell you this. It’s bothering me.
“I feel like you are expecting me to pay for your meals.
“It’s time to talk frankly and openly about this and come to a new arrangement.”
P.S. Soft drinks full of sugar are a waste of money and a health no-no. Bringing sugary soft drinks to the table does NOT count as contributing to the meal. Sugary soft drinks are basically liquid candy and should not be in the equation for a healthy meal.
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A
female
reader, suzzzque269 +, writes (16 March 2016):
 HES A MOOCH!!! sorry about the caps lol. imo get rid of him! hes not gonna change. if he does it will just be for token sake to make you think he learned his lesson.
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