A
female
age
30-35,
*issLoca
writes:Ok so Im 18 years old. Ive been with my boyfriend for over 4 1/2 years now and we have a 3 year old daughter together. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend and he's all I've ever known. But probably right after I turned 18 something in me changed. I became more confident and happy with who I was and what I looked like. When I go out places, even if its just to the store, I would do my makeup and get decently dressed. If guys would look at me and check me out I looked right back at them. Which this wasn't normal, before I would just pretend I didnt see them. Actually I had one guy ask me for my number and I straight up told him that he should give me his because I have a boyfriend. I mean I knew it was wrong but I still did it just because I wanted to. I was also wanting to party more and just act more recklessly. Maybe about a week or two after I met this guy, I ended up going to his hotel room to hang out and we had sex. So I cheated on my boyfriend for the first time. Then I met this other guy on facebook, he also lived in town and he worked with my boyfriend about 5 years ago. I hung out with him once while me and my boyfriend were broken up for like a day. All we did was makeout. Well another time I dropped my boyfriend and his friend off at the bar and then I went and kicked it with this guy again and we ended up sleeping together. I mean I was all scared after because I was afraid my boyfriend would notice but he didn't so I never said a word. During this time, a months period, my boyfriend and I were going through difficult times because I had told him that I wasn't sure if I wanted to be in a relationship anymore because I was battling issues inside of me. We worked it out and we are all better now but I still am doubtful that we are meant to be together. Now I have this other guy in my life, he's 17 and he lives in california, so I've never met him. But I started talking to him while me and my boyfriend had our issues and now I cant stop. Like he really means a lot to me. He was there for me to talk to and he listened when I needed him. We talk all the time and I feel that I can tell him anything and everything. We dont talk like we want to be together but we have talked about hanging out one day. I go to California all the time so I think next time I go Im going to go see him. I know I shouldn't but I really want to. I mean he is a virgin and he says he doesnt move fast on the first day so I'm not worried that we will have sex. I'm worried that I might fall deeply in love with this guy if I see him. We want to just spend the whole day together. Can you be in love with two people at the same time? Like we our conversations get really intense and we tell eachother we love eachother. Which I do love him. Im so confused right now. I know he's young and so am I but he does act more mature and a part of me wants to just give it a shot. The only thing is I know I would devestate my boyfriend if he ever found out about any of this. I would totally break his heart and thats the last things I want to do but I also care about my happiness. Im done with those other two guys I already told them I didnt want to talk to them anymore but I dont think I could stop talking to this guy now. I dont want to. I guess Im just wondering if I should go see him or if I should just forget about him? I want to know anyones opinion or thoughts on my situation.
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cheated on my boyfriend, facebook, lost my virginity, period Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): Good for you that you're on track as far as career and goals. And as I said, I can understand being a wife and mother so soon and at such a young age can be quite a thankless job.Seeing other men while you're in a relationship though is destructive. All that work and stress to avoid being caught takes its toll.Having a friendship based on sexual attration does not mean all you two ever talk about is sex. You discuss a wide variety of things. I get it. But I stand by what I said. I'm really not sure why you bothered asking for our opinions. You obviously made up your mind a long time ago.
A
female
reader, MissLoca +, writes (4 September 2011):
MissLoca is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I am going to college to be a nurse. I have about 3 more classes to take before I can apply for the program. I graduated high school a year early, so my goals as far as success in life are and always will be on track. No questions asked. And this connection I have with this guy is more than just a sexual attraction. We talk about everything and I feel we have a deeper connection as far as friends. And I am there for my daughter and I always will be. I just feel a sense of unfulfillness and unhappiness sometimes in my current relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2011): I think you already know the answer to this question. No, you should not go and see him. So far your track record for 'just hanging out' with guy friends isn't good. There is some kind of hanky panky every time. Don't assume your new friend's resolve is any stronger than yours.Your friendship with this guy is based on sexual attraction. Just as it was with the guys before him. I doubt very much he would be there to listen when you needed him as often if you weighed 300 pounds. once the passion fades, and it will, so to will the friendship. Besides, how good a friend is he if he's only telling you what you want to hear instead of what you need to hear? Not to be forgotten is the fact that he is a minor and that can have legal consequences for you. Don't assume that because you're a woman, you can't be labelled an online predator or a paedophile.Assuming the role of wife and mother is no small thing and having done it all at once and at such a young age may leave you feeling frustrated, alone, undesirable and underappreciated. There are other ways to spice up your life bedides playing the field behind your boyfriend's back. Ways that would cause you much less grief and expose you to far less risk. I'm not making judgments about you, but you're on a destructive path.
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A
female
reader, bougiegirl +, writes (4 September 2011):
Forget about him and concentrate on raising your child. In addition, are you in college or trade school? Your priority is setting yourself up for success and not visiting some random guy in California. The choices you make now will affect you for the rest of your life. Make them the best choices that you possibly can.
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