A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. I really need some advice. I'm married just under a year with my husband. We have been together for 5 years. Like any relationships, we had our bumps but stuck through with each other. Recently, when he was away on business for 2 weeks and started to act differently. I think he could have cheated on me. He came back home giving me this talk of how awful our relationship has been for the past 5 years. Then few days later, he seems happy and says he just said something out of the blue. I get angry at him but I dont yell. I dont like it how he stares at other women in front of me and then acts like he didnt. I try to relax and not bother with it. But nowadays he gets angry at me when something doesnt goes his way and starts threatening with divorce and this brings me down a lot because I know I havent done anything wrong. I feel that he is having with someone else going on because he is least interested in the home and in me. When he gets up for work he's all happy and that makes me so happy to see him that way. When he gets home, and he is happy so Im happy too. But then through out the evening his mood changes out of the blue and there I hear how terrible it is between us when I didnt do anything wrong. I ask him to explain it but then he stops and changes the subject. I havent changed, except for that I became more insecure and I shouldnt be like this. We dont have sex and that makes me wonder if it is my body when nothing is wrong with it. I ask him about intimacy and he says he's tired, but he has enough time to read a book till late in the morning. I feel that he is witholding sex as some punishment. Yet, Im starting to wonder if he is getting it from work. When he is happy, he will hug and kiss me. But when his mood changes he withholds it. I love him and I know this is how marriage is not supposed to be like this. Im crushed and I dont know what to do. I feel that he is pushing me away so much, and I feel empty inside because he's to be my husband who is to be there for me but he is not. Ive tried talking to him, but it doesnt work because I hear how it's me who changed when i havent. I believe that there is someone else because of the way I feel neglected, he doesnt say much about it. I havent spoken to my family about this because I feel ashamed and embarassed of how my marriage is like. I dont know what to do?!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): Girl.... 2 words- PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR. Get someone to pull a "Cheaters" and you bust his ass in the act. I know it hurts to imagine the man that you love pulling away from you and gravitating towards some stupid bitch, the betrayal, the coldness and emptiness, wasting your beautiful self away, etc.. But underneath that deep pain, you will find POWER and STRENGTH. Of course find out the facts first the best way you can. Don't rely on just asking him because let me tell you... I've seen it in many situations, they LIE-LIE-LIE. (I'm currently in a very happy relationship so I'm not saying that from a bitter- male bashing standpoint. It's just what I've seen time and time again with friends, family, myself once or twice, and more.) So instead of letting the wondering eat you up inside, take steps and set the strong intention to find out the TRUTH. Know that the truth always comes out no matter what. Be prepared to make a decision depending on the outcome. If you find out he's indeed cheating, are you gone for good or willing to give him another chance. Personally, I'd tell him to screw himself and who ever else he wants because I'm OUT. But I understand sometimes women feel the need to stay sometimes and hope for the good in him to come out eventually. Sometimes women need to hang around and get burned a few more times before they have an epiphany and realize just how VALUABLE they are and won't stand for any more bullshit. And on rare occasions, the man might have a wake up call and turn around because he realized he doesn't want to lose what he had. But to me, your guy sounds like an idiot (I'm sorry.) Don't forget the power within you to give yourself the life you deserve. No matter how crazy or guilty he will try to make you feel, no matter how much he will turn the blame on you, YOU REMEMBER YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON. YOU DESERVE TO BE LOVED AND TREATED WITH RESPECT. ONCE YOU SHOW UNCONDITIONAL LOVE TO YOURSELF AND RESPECT YOURSELF YOU WILL GET IT IN RETURN (EITHER FROM HIM OR A NEW PARTNER). My heart goes out to you from woman to woman..... xxxoooxxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2008): My husband used to go on 2 week business trips all the time. Most of the time he would just call to just touch base but on occasion he would call and say 'i love you and miss you etc etc' which was most unlike him. GUILT. I found this out years later that whenever he had slept with someone he would call and reaffirm his love. He then started having an affair back in the UK and again when things weren't going well with her he was distant and moody but when he was in love and happy he was happier towards me. He sat crying infront of the fire all night one winter night over a text she had sent him. I am telling you this because often suspicions and feelings about atmosphere and different ways of talking to you or acting are often indicative of something going on and you should trust your gut feeling.Have this out with him. It may not be a conversation that he will want but do it nicely and in a light hearted manner and see what he says. Somtimes a man knowing you are on to him will pull himself together or sometimes they become more sneaky like mine did. Men also appear to get bored very easily. From experience you need to address this now as you don't deerve being neglected like this and it may get worse if nothing is done.
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A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Have you asked your husband if there is someone else in his life, or are you too frightened that your suspisions may be true?
Obviously there is a problem with your relationship if he is saying that you have changed and you no longer have sex. Apart from saying that you have changed what else does he say is wrong that makes him threaten you with divorce? Although you seem to be talking to each other I get the feeling that the right things are not being discussed and you need to get to the bottom of this and know exactly what the problem is before you can hopefully start to repair any damage you feel has been done.
If you are feeling insecure because you feel he has cheated on you, you will need reassurance that this is not the case for you to trust him in the future.
Maybe you should confide to a close family member, I'm sure there is someone who will try to advise and give you the right kind of guidance.
Good luck.
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