A
female
age
41-50,
*rtemis-diana
writes:I have to ask because this has been bothering me for more days than I can count.. If anyone has good advice, I would really appreciate it !There's a guy at work who I am not remotely attracted to. But he seems to be attracted to me. He is a lonely sort of person. And very odd and lacking in social skills. In my position at work, I have tended to extrovert myself a lot, which is not my nature. Since then, I've been promoted, and my new position gives me a lot more privacy/ space to be quiet and more introverted. Since I have reduced my interactions a with others including the unrequited crush, he has been seeking me out more and more.. "Accidentally" meeting me in the hallways or in the break room when I get my tea. Short of being completely blunt and rude, I don't know how to break to to him that 1) I'm not into him and 2) I'm not even the fun lively person he has gotten "into"I asked a friend who works in HR to talk to him for me and she did but she asked him to "give me space". I feel so completely uncomfortable interacting with this guy and I just wish it would all go away. He really wants to get to know me better - stalked me on facebook and tried to add me as a friend. I've always been a support the underdog sort of person but this just has me stressed and wanting to scream ! Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated !!
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at work, crush, facebook, stalking Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Artemis-diana +, writes (23 April 2015):
Artemis-diana is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your sound and thoughtful advice. I feel better knowing that there is something I can do to change the dynamic.
My public work persona is very positive and friendly.. I have tried being frosty and professional with this person but I'm afraid of how it will look to others.
I will proceed with professionalism which seems like a good way to deal with a lot of office related problems
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (23 April 2015):
 Another distancing idea is to change references. If you are on the first name basis with him, switch to last name as in Mr Soandso, so that when he approaches you and does something your reply in "Thank you Mr Lastname".
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (23 April 2015):
 I agree with AuntyBimBam the best course of action is to always remain business like with any interaction with him from now on. Its best to be polite with a detached kind of exterior and say only what needs to be said, never act overly friendly or smile more than a polite smile..almost a "frosty" sort of behavior would be best. Let him know that you are busy, but did you need something kind of attitude. Most people would get the hint. Hopefully he will too.
I know what its like trying to discourage someone that you have to work with, it makes you feel very uncomfortable and unsettled and praying that you don't run into that person.
I hope you can get this resolved quickly.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (23 April 2015):
 Assume your best business like manner ..... when he accidentally meets you in the corridor say "I am really rather busy, did you have something you need to say to me" and make a look at him with eyebrows slightly raised, showing that you are expecting something from him.
When you go for a tea break same thing, "I only have time for a rushed tea break, did you need to see me about something" with the eyebrows again.
He is going to have to say something, and if he tries to ask you out you can say something like, "I have a rather full and busy life, so I doubt I will have time to do that".
Hopefully he will get the message and stop the stalky behaviour.
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