A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My parents have been drug addicts for the majority of my life. They were also both verbally and emotionally abusive towards me, and have tried to manipulate me beyond belief. Over the years I've accepted that my parents are the way they are, and that I can't change things unfortunately, that our family will never be a happy one. The hardest part is that they don't understand what they're doing is wrong, it's like they're both in denial and think what they have done to me, and their lives is okay. I've tried my best to talk to them and have a normal relationship with them and it just never works out right. I've had to take care of them, my father lost his job because of his addiction. I can honestly say they have never taken good care of me. I had gone without food many times. I could never go to them with my problems, because they wouldn't listen to me. It's a very sad situation. I've tried calling twice to get them into rehab and they refuse and deny their addiction. My mother will call me yelling at me then 5 minutes later call me back crying asking why I'm upset with her. She makes me out to be the bad person. Luckily I am no longer in their household and I'm at my university environment. What worries me is that when I graduate I will most likely go back to live at their house as I don't have anywhere else to go, no friends or family in the area. These are my parents. They have hurt me so much. People who have not gone through something like this really have no idea the confusement I'm going through. What am I supposed to do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2015): I think it's very important that you do NOT re-enter this situation and that you see a college counsellor straight away to talk about that. If you are ending college soon then the weight of this horrible possibility hanging over you, of having to go back to them, could really become too much to try to cope with.Find out about the college counselling services and also follow up what So Very Confused is saying.I come from a highly dysfunctional family, abusive and mentally ill parents and a mentally ill sibling. It's very important that you find a way to make that important break with them. There will be other options - voluntary work abroad, for example, where housing will be included. Or, if you want to, joining the military or some other form of training where a room and board is included. Try to get some help from your career's service with this practical side of things - there WILL be other options, but you MUST get support from other people.I made a similar break when I was younger. My family reacted similarly to yours, blaming me. To this day it still hurts me that my family couldn't be a loving, normal one. But it would have been far, far worse had I not given my everything to making that break. I had a young child in tow, and no-one to turn to at all. My life and hers are good now, but the pain is still there.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 April 2015):
 oh what a hard situation for you.
I am going to address that you are the child of addicts and strongly urge you to find Al-anon/Al-ateen in your area and attend meetings. There you will find coping skills and support for being the child of addicts/alcoholics.
My husband is new to his recovery and while that's a big help if I do not do the work myself in Al-anon I'm not taking care of myself.
You are NOT alone. Al-anon meetings will help you find friendship, and support.
It will teach you that you can set boundaries with your qualifiers (your parents)
Feel free to PM me if you would like to talk more about this.
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