A
male
age
41-50,
*monty78
writes:My (ex) girlfriend, 27, and I, 30, split January 10th after being together for a little over a year. 5 months of that year we lived together but decided to move back with our folks for a few months until finances got better and then we were going to build or buy a home this spring.She split with me and I didn't see it coming at all. I had purchased a beautiful ring for her and we were planning on getting married this coming summer. Her reasons for the split were partially because of her jealousy of my family, which I can somewhat understand, and the other reasons were because she was in the process of getting her drivers license back, going back to school and getting her finances on track, as well as focusing on her daughter.She said I was her best friend and she wanted it to remain that way, and maybe we could rekindle our relationship after a few months, once we both our got ''ducks in a row.'' We talked off and on for about a month, which was killing me, and finally I handed her a letter telling her how much I love her and how I had to walk away for now because it hurt too bad not having her in my life completely. I let her know I was shutting off her phone that I had been paying for and told her to get a hold of me when she was ready to have me in her life.She shipped back the phone and I didn't hear from her for 23 days. Sometime in that period she had deleted me from her myspace as well(but kept some of my pictures up), even though we agreed we were friends and wanted to work things out in the future. I wondered if she was trying to get a reaction from me, so I acted as if it never even happened.I talked to her best friends hubby a few days later, and never mentioned her name once. I told him my business had picked up, I just ordered a new car, and things were going well for me. The next day she called and I didn't know her new number so I didn't answer. She left a polite voicemail asking to meet with me this week to pick up her massage table and her kitchen ware, which I know isn't of significant importance as she is living with her parents right now, and she's the type, that if it were that important she would make a big deal about getting it back right away. She also texted me that day and called again that night.I texted her the following day and told her my work schedule was very hectic and it would be the following week before I could arrange to meet her. I wasn't going to seem eager to see her right away. She said ok, and tried to make small talk thru text. I was polity but not overly friendly. Even though I told her last week it would be the week after next before we could meet, she texted me again today saying she had to work all this week and she couldn't meet me til next week. My question is this.....I love her more than life itself and want to work things out, but don't want to seem to eager, nor do I know if she wants to. I think her getting in touch with me about things shes not in dire need of right now is an excuse to talk to me, especially since shes the one that keeps initiating it. I also don't want to be reading this all wrong in wishful thinking. What do you think? And thank you for your time, I gratefully appreciate it!
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female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (12 March 2009):
 It's hard to tell if she is making excuses to talk to you. But you know her and say she doesn't need those things so it may very well be an excuse to talk to you. Honestly there is no way to know.There are two methods I know of that you can do with this.
Method 1- is basically what you are doing right now. Acting cool and calm and like you don't need her, hoping she will come back to you. You aren't seeming needy, you are showing that you are ok without her and you have your own life. Hopefully she isn't just contacting you so you don't get over her. They don't want you back but they don't want you NOT to want them back either. Get it? They don't neccessarily want you back but they don't want you to get over them either. My ex did it to me. Gave me false hope every time he called me because I thought we were getting back together. He really just wanted to keep me around for an ego boost I guess, to know I was still there and keep me in love with him. When you see her next week just remain calm, don't go confessing you are still so in love. Maybe she does want to get back together with you but don't assume she does, it will hurt worse later. Just keep playing it cool and not talking about the relationship, just what each of you have been doing, and maybe she will come around and admit why she called or admit she is still in love and wants to be with you.
Or Method 2- you can be really ballsy, and just flat out tell her you love her and if she still doesn't want you then you don't want to hear from her ever again. This way you can get over her once and for all, closure if you will, you will finally know what she wants. I actually ended up doing this method with my ex and he said he had no intention of being with me so that was it. But atleast I knew I wasn't wasting my time anymore. Use this method if you are sick of the waiting around and would rather be over her than going through it.
So there are two ways you can go with. Really though it sounds exactly like when my ex asked for something ridiculous back, I got all excited when I brought it back thinking we would be together, and nothing happened. And it must be said that even doing the first method isn't definitely going to get her back either. So it depends on what you decide to do. The first method is basically "how to win your ex back" tips. But you know it isn't guaranteed to work. I hope I made sense to you. If not feel free to email me anytime. Good luck with everything.
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