A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:I met a girl this week. I've been coming over to hers, we've been having dinner together and lot of sex. However, having spoken to her about the concept of starting a relationship, she's hesitant. She has trust issues, as she's had a number of guys just use her for sex, and who have eventually cheated on her. I am not that kind of guy. I like people to be able to put their trust in me, and be safe in the knowledge that I am an honest person. The problem is, I'm not sure she fully understands the commitment that relationships need. She loves single living, she's used to single living, and she likes the idea of going out to clubs at night and meeting new guys, and having all the fun she likes with them. I worry that in the end, she might end up cheating on me.Is she worth getting involved with? She's nice enough, I like her company, but I'm not sure I could trust her in relationship circumstances. What do you think? What should I do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 September 2009):
If you're worried, then take this relationship slowly. See if it develops. If she has trust issues with guys, then she might want to take it slowly to make sure you're not going to use her. There's no rush. All you can do is be yourself, and she'll either start to trust you, or she won't (that's not something that happens overnight either). If she doesn't like you for who you are and cant' trust you, don't wait for her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): You have known this girl for a week and have had lots of sex... she wary cos some of the guys she dates only want her for sex...
Sounds like she had lots of issues and is having sex without committment...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2009): This sounds like a difficult one. You say you like people to put their trust in you, and you would clearly like this girl to trust you. But you don't trust her.
I can see why you would be unsure of how she would be in a relationship. And due to the experiences she has had, I can understand her being fearful of trusting somebody too.
I think it might be good to try and get to know each other better first, before considering a relationship. There is a lack of trust right now, which isn't a strong basis for a relationship. But then again, you aren't just going to trust somebody straight away, are you? So maybe you could get closer to each other first, and see how it goes.
If something more did develop between you, then I think it may take a leap of faith in each other. She doesn't want to be hurt or used again, and you don't want her to cheat. You both have your fears. So it will really require you both placing faith in each other, and seeing how things work out. I think this is what we all have to do in new relationships though, except this may seem more prominent in your situation.
Prove to her that she can trust you. Give her a reason to place that trust in you. And at the same time, expect nothing less from her. She would also need to show you whether you can put your trust in her or not, and if you suspect that she is seeing other guys, then you can choose to leave.
I know this must be tricky, as trust is such an improtant, yet often difficult thing. Hopefully as you spend more time with this girl, things will become clearer. Good luck. x
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A
female
reader, patient66  +, writes (23 September 2009):
Hello : )
If your not sure now about the trust then it's not going to work. Trust is the number ONE thing in a relationship.
If you are head over heals for her then give it a try, but if you just think she's nice enough then maybe just take it for what it is.
Talk to her tell her what you want and what your worried about and if it feels right go forward.
Hope it helps
Good luck xo
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