A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my boyfriends' roommate who is also his best friend is trying to sabotage our relationship. We started dating a few months ago, but I have known him and his roommate for years. His roommate is a girl and we were ok friends before i started dating my bf. When my boyfriend and I started dating she was single and everything was cool. About a month after we started dating she got really into my brother. He had just gotten out of a six year relationship and I told her it probably wasn't a good idea getting involved with him. During the few weeks she was with him she caused a lot of problems between my brother and I and if she was upset with him, she would complain to my boyfriend. They didn't work out and a few days later she started to hang out with his best friend, which is also a very good friend of mine(i call him my brother even though we're not related). Lately he's been getting upset with me and it only seems to be when we are around her. My boyfriend and I have had a couple of arguments about her and how I feel about her behavior he defends her. I don't think that she would have ever dated my brother or his best friend if she didn't know me. She knew them before, but never gave them a second look. I honestly didn't mind when she dated my brother, or even that she went to his best friend (i think its a little nasty), but what I do mind is that she started problems between me and boyfriend, my brother and I, my brother and his best friend, basically everyone. I am very close to breaking up with my boyfriend because I just don't want to deal with all this drama. But he didn't do anything wrong. I know I'm going to confront her, and she is going to go directly to my boyfriend and I don't know what his reaction will be. I want to be able to ignore it, but she's intertwined herself so much into my personal life, with my family that I feel like I don't have a choice. I have no idea what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I don't think she's done anything wrong by dating either one, my problem is that she starts arguments between all of us. I actually consider her a friend. I'm alright with her being in my life, I just feel that she always finds ways to have them all around at the same time (by texting them all individually and asking them to meet her) and needs to be the center of attention with them all. I wouldn't even care about the attention thing or her trying to play around with both my bro and his best friend if they weren't my family.Its fine with me if she confides in my guy, but what i don't like is when she starts arguments between them, which eventually turns in to us arguing. The other reason I'm annoyed is because I know she wouldn't have dated either, had I not started dating my boyfriend. She never really even spoke to either one of them and has seen them around for years. I have talked to her, but we both have really strong personalities and these conversations end up going nowhere. At the moment I am trying to wait for him to call me, but there is no avoiding her, as they live together, work together, and hang out together regularly.
A
female
reader, maelene +, writes (20 April 2010):
 There has to be a way to seperate all of this drama. It is going to be hard since she is his roommate and best friend. He is naturally going to defend her and it must be hard for him too because he is with you, I am sure he feels like he is in the middle of it all. You and the girl need to find a way to get along and come to a solution. Talk to the girl about how you feel and be firm with your wants and how you want things to go. This is the only way because it seems like your bf is defending her. Another option is to remove yourself from the whole thing and let him come to you so you won't have to see her. Set your boundaries with him and let him know this is too much for you. Good luckMaelene
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A
female
reader, rambini  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 you havent really explained exactly what this girl has done wrong? when she was upset with your brother (her bf) it isnt unreasonable for her to vent her frustrations to your bf (her best friend and roommate). im sure if you were upset with your bf you would vent to your best friend too.i think both of you feel the other one is treading on their toes, but i think if you just relax and accept that this girl is a part of your life you might find it easier to get along. best of luck!
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