A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I posted a similar question a few days ago but I'm still a bit confused on how to handle this situation. Sorry for the long post guys.In July last year I met two guys I was intersted in. I went out with both of them on dates, no sex or anything like that. After a few dates I decided I liked guy B more than guy A, so I told guy A that I didn't want to continue dating him.A month goes by and guy B decides he's no longer interested in me and breaks it off (I didn't sleep with him). A week after that I see guy A while out but I'm too chicken to talk to him (he doesn't see me). I then decide to text him to say hello. He texts back and says he missed me and asks me out.We meet up for lunch a week later and the rest, as they say, is history. We've now been together for 8 months. I once asked him about his past GF's etc and he told me that he's had 2 one night stands. The other day he tells me there was a third and he 'forgot' to tell me. When I asked when it happened he said it was during the month when him and I weren't talking. He tells me that it happened before him and I caught up for lunch but for some reason I have a feeling that it happened in the week between me texting him and us meeting up. See, he told me that he slept with her while living in his new place, and he only moved in to his new place a week before I texted him, which to me means he slept with her some time before we were about to meet up, but possibly after I texted him and we arranged to meet up.Even though he didn't owe me a thing back then and we weren't in a relationship, the possibility of him having slept with someone after having set up a date with me really bothers me. (If it makes any difference I was a virgin before I met him and casual sex is not something I think positively of).So the question for you all is:Do I let this issue go and not ask him more about it? He is the most amazing BF and treats me so well so I don't want to cause problems by digging up the past.Or do I persist and ask him more about it? I know I'll prob end up looking like a paranoid woman, but this is really bothering me!What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2010): Thanks for your answers guys, I appreciate them. I was going to keep my mouth shut but I did end up asking more questions because I am obsessive and I couldn't help it.
He told me that he did in fact sleep with her between me messaging him and before we met up. We talked about things and I told him how that bothered me. He told me that he regrets what he did with her but that I have nothing to worry about now.
Serenity80 was absolutely right when he said:
"...if it does turn out that he slept with this girl so close to being with you, if he cares for you, he will want to reassure you and make you feel better about it and help you guys move on by making sure you feel number one in his life."
That's exactly what my BF's done and I'm going to work on this by myself and let it go.
thanks again
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): Get out of your own head, its making you sound paranoid and irrational to be perfectly honest. You went for guy B and then fell back onto guy A when he rejected you. Do you think any good will come from him knowing that fact? Now think whether any good will come from you probing him about this issue. You'll come off as possessive, force him to be defensive even though he hasn't done anything wrong. And if you do find out that he did what you fear, what then? You yell and scream and break up? Whats the point? He's a good boyfriend so just keep moving forward, don't look back.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (20 April 2010):
You seem an insightful person and although you mention about being a virgin before being with him, I think in all honesty, most people, guy or girl would be a little curious about the dates not matching, and having an unsettling need to want to know.I totally agree with quiet-echo about him technically not having done anything wrong, but I'm going to suggest this: if this is bothering you to the point it's affecting how you are being around him, then you should be able to bring it up with him and he should be able to reassure you about it, so you can put it behind you.I think if you can explain the problem, without making out like he's done anything wrong, he is likely to be open with you. My bet is, if it does turn out that he slept with this girl so close to being with you, if he cares for you, he will want to reassure you and make you feel better about it and help you guys move on by making sure you feel number one in his life.
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A
female
reader, maelene  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 You need to let go of this issue it is the past and neither of you can change it. You have to understand this all happened before you two got serious so you really can not blame him for what happened. In all fairness you were talking to two guys at one time yes? Even though you weren't intimate at the time you had an emotional connection. For some guys they can just have one night stands and not think twice but for girls its different and losing your virginity is a big deal but also remember it was your choice in doing so. I understand this bothers you but sometimes you have to let the past go in order to move forward and it seems like to me your relationship is great so why ruin it?
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