A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello all. Well, I'm really quite down tonight because for a while now I have been dealing with a huge problem. Some of you may think it's silly but it's something that has really been bothering me so I would like to get some advice. The problem, in a nutshell is my boyfriends best friends girlfriend. Not only does she flirt with my boyfriend...(keep in mind shes dating my boyfriends best friend so I don't know why she flirts with my boyfriend) but she doesn't like me. She has told me to my face before that she does not like me...and I was completely shocked and speechless. She is always saying terrible things about me. It's like she is playing some sort of evil game with me haha, I'm serious though. She sent my boyfriend a naked picture of herself and thought it was really funny, and it's like nobody had a problem with it and thought that it was okay for her to do that. She is always texting my boyfriend and flirting with him, and claims she is just joking and messing around. I however, find it completely disrespectful. I have never been treated so bad by anyone like I have been by this woman. I don't understand it. I feel so left out. My boyfriend, my boyfriends best friend, and his girlfriend are always hanging out without me. I feel so uncomfortable with this girl and I won't go anywhere if I know she is going to be around. If I am around with this girl, she will continuously make rude comments to me and just totally belittle me...This is going to sound pathetic but, I cry about this all of the time. I have done nothing to this girl for her to treat me like this and I am just beside myself that this is going on. Being that it's my boyfriends best friends girlfriend, I can't do anything about it. I don't say anything to anyone. I don't confront the girl, I just keep quiet and take it. My boyfriend kind of knows what is going on, but he isn't aware of how serious this problem is. Just my boyfriend and I have a great relationship. But this situation is just like destroying me. I have thought about leaving my boyfriend a lot of times just because of the fact that his best friends girl is treating me like crap and I am so tired of dealing with it, I really am. I am not being dramatic about anything here, I am serious about how bad this situation is.What do you guys think I should do? How do I talk to my boyfriend about this? I don't want to lose my boyfriend but I can't continue to let this happen.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Here's what you do; Sit B/F down and calmly say to him:
"(his name here), I don't know if you notice it... but your best bud's G/F acts pretty badly toward me... and it upsets me to the point of hurt. In addition, she hangs out with you and your best bud.... and the three of you often exclude me. These two factors make me feel both hurt, and left-out. Do you think that that is a good place for your girlfriend to be?"
If he sez, "I have to admit... I'm embarrassed because I both didn't notice her behaviour... and hadn't noticed that you were upset. Now that it's on the table, I will take up for you and will let my bud and his G/F know that SHE is to behave nicer to you... AND, I will make sure that when I do something with my best bud and HIS G/F, that YOU will be included, as well.... THAT's what good boyfriends do... and I want to be your best boyfriend.... I'll get started right away..."
IF he sez; "WHAT are you talking about, bitch?" (or anything else that is not almost-exactly as I wrote above)... then you will know that your "relationship" with this guy is ill-fated... and you can dump his sorry bottom and get on with your life...
Hope this helps.
Good luck....
A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (8 April 2013):
 Tell your boyfriend what you just told us. If he's worth anything, he'll take your feelings seriously by protecting you from this girl as well as separating himself from her. And if the best friend is worth anything, he'll completely understand.
It's hard to believe no one reacted when she sent the naked picture. Are you sure that the best friend knew about it, too?
What an awful predicament! I'm sorry for your pain, and genuinely wish you peace of mind.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 April 2013):
 I think your problem is more your boyfriend , than the girl. I mean, it really does not take a serious, official talk for him to know that other girls sending him their naked pictures is totally inappropriate and disrespectful to you. What did he do, what did he say ? Did he say " Ok, girl, this may be your idea of a joke, but it's not mine, or my girlfriend's , so keep that well in mind for the future ? " No ? Why not ?...
She is always flirting with him by text, and ?... what does he do, does he answer back, does he flirt back ? I suppose so, otherwise , if he had shown total disinterest or even annoyance , she would have gotten tired by now.
You need to bring this up with your bf, not the " booh -oooh, she is so meeeeean to me " part, schoolyard style. You know this girl does not like you, you don't like her back,-that's fine, you don't have to hang out with her. On the other hand, your bf does not HAVE to take sides, he is allowed to like ( socially and platonically ) also people you don't like, and viceversa, you don't have necessarily to like or befriend the same people, BUT in a relationship there have to be boundaries that need to be respected for it to even be called a relationship, otherwise it's not a relationship but a person taking advantage of another for sex and entertainment. Clearly state your boundaries, like : if he feels like being the third wheel to the happy couple, so be it, his choice ( as long of course he does not blatantly neglect you in favour of the happy couple )- but no flirting, no constant texting , no naked pictures, and no letting people badmouthing or belittling you in front of him . ( This of course if you are SURE they aren't just good natured ribs. If she always maliciously puts you down in front of your bf,- crikey, what kind of bf is one who lets this go on and on ?? Again, the problem is the bf, not the girl ! ).
That's not too much or unreasonable to ask, it's something normal, it's basic respect without which no relationship is worth a time investment. If he understands it, fine ( and if cares about you, he should understand- maybe it's just a case of young men being naturally a bit mindless, a bit superficial, not paying attention to details , but once you have explained him WHAT precisely is disrespectful and why, he should be able to see where you are coming from ). If he does not understand , or does not WANT to understand, well, then a ) you are not compatible and b ) he cares more about being in this girl's good graces than in yours, so you may want to rethink all your relationship and consider seriously the idea of shipping out.
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