A
male
age
36-40,
*nknownself
writes:So I never saw myself on one of these things, ever, but I find myself really confused, so here we go...I'm in love!, she was once married. She had an affair. She has been very honest with me with everything, including the details of how the marriage failed.Now I've been dating her for about 8 months. Something has happen that I wasn't expecting though. She is still in contact with the loser she had the affair with. I've very recently told her that I don't trust or care for him what-so-ever because of other things he had done to her. But she seems almost willing to let our relationship crumble if I don't just accept she is going to continue being friends with him.I love her so much, so I am trying to make things better, but her reaction was completely unexpected and scary... what the hell is going on here, am I being stupid for suggesting she let him just move on or am I being an idiot about to get burned as usual?
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female
reader, devastated2008 +, writes (15 August 2009):
 Definitely do not trust that relationship... it has all the warning signs of either and existing affair or an affair that can be ignited at any time. If she can't understand the danger and take steps to protect you and the relationship between the two of you then you need to get out NOW! Don't wait the damage will only be worse later... and she needs counseling because she clearly is not repentant regarding the original affair and does not see the warning signs of how an affair begins.
I understand the desperation and pain you are feeling right now but your best shot with or without her is to take a very firm assertive stance now. She will either make the necessary changes or prove that the risk is too great for you to stay. Don't accept anything less than an end to that relationship AND counseling... you are protecting your future and loving her best by being tough. Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): I agree with the last comment. She will hurt you in the end. I know you love her but she doesn't love you the same way you love her. Start detatching yourself from her now if you can't let her go all at once. I was hurt by someone that I loved and thought that they loved me the same way. It took me over a month to get over her even after she cheated on me and left me for the other guy. I still care about her for some odd reason but I would never want to be with her again because I can't trust her.So if I were you I wouldn't trust this girl either. She cheated and lied once before to someone she supposedly loved (she at least loved him enough to marry him) so dont be a fool and think that she won't do it to you.YOU'VE BEEN WARNED!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2009): seems like she is still having an affair with this guy doesn't it. well in reality she is - perhaps an emotional one, she is still attached to this man (even if it is not sexually?). she has no respect for you by being in contact with this man. you feel disgusted with this other man, how about reserving some disgust for her as well. cheaters do not change, they just change theiir mode of operation that is all. i think you know that this relationship is doomed already. if she is willing to forfeit your love and affection for this man then i think you know the writing is on the wall. you have no other bonds with this person so maybe cutting your loss before you get pulled through the dirt is the answer. i think you are setting yourslef up for more pain and heartache. she has not learn any lesson whatsoever from her affair she had while married. in fact she continues, just in a different guise. this woman cannot tear herslef from the other man in her life. be angry with her and her refusal to give him up. do not be upset that he is taking what she is offering. after all he had her once and this is just an extra topping he is having. your "gf" seems like a *itch. watch her. history will repeat itself and she will cheat on you as well. please i am forwarning you so that you are prepared. dtop investing in her, she is not worth it. she has proven once a cheater, always a cheater.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (12 August 2009):
 I must admit that I would find it very hard to trust a person if I was in the same situation you find yourself in....
Please remember that when she was married and having an affair with this guy things were racey and hot, and perhaps that is what she is really after now, maybe she finds her relationship with you too staid?
Give her an ultimatum, either she cuts all contact with this guy or she is out the door.
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A
male
reader, cheated  +, writes (12 August 2009):
i know how you must be feeling. simular situation as you i am in to. only difference is it is my wife who had the affair behind my back. yes it is hard and i bet your the same as me and actually have hate for this person. YES she should not have any contact with him is she is to make your relationship work. because it is always going to be on your mind whether she is going further than just talking with him and trust me she probably will...good luck mate and if you need someone to talk 2 that is in a simular situation drop me a message.
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