A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a senior, this girl i am just smitten with has some history with me, we never dated but i was close. In the end i fell short, because i couldn't overcome fear of rejection. I've regained confidence and a year later i feel like i can do this. I talk to her often, we are even going to dinner next Wednesday. The thing is, when i first asked her out, it was no because she couldn't trust guys because she had got recently cheated on. I continued to be overly shy and it then turned into a reason not to date me, i understand it. She got with a dude, they broke up quick. Now i feel like i want to lay it all out on the line...there's just a few problems, i'm not the only one interested. A football player at a college nearby wants to be with her, but she tells me she is sick of him. Her ex won't leave her alone and there is me, your run of the mill, sweet but shy guy with not what you would call a perfect body, i'm not fat or anything but compared to the other guys, i'm trailing by far. My main question is....if she doesn't care for them and they can be so appealing to other girls, what chance do i have with a girl that still doesn't think of me as boyfriend material. Do i just need to lay it all on the line and hope for the best?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (27 May 2010):
 "It's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. ...
Always think more positive and you will attract the positive's.
Your perceptions of her may not be right. She is a girl and she has a different perceptions about what kind of guys she wants.
It is about confidence,understandings,romantic, kindness, compassion's and love.
Make her feel that she is the most important person in your life and your chances are greatly increased.
A
female
reader, louisevandeburg  +, writes (27 May 2010):
I second what CaringGuy said.
As a girl, I know that a girl looks for more in a guy than looks. As you know her more than I do, think it over. Her dating history - what sort of guys does she date? Break up with the fastest?
Just take a little time to show her what a great guy you are; show her you have everything she needs! If you act trustworthy, keep your promises, be there for her and be the all round nice guy, I don't see how she can't like you!
If you do all this and she doesn't date you, then obviously she isn't ready. Though its cliched, there's nothing wrong with you! You're just not her type, and that's fine. Plenty of fish in the sea!
You seem like a nice guy, and I wish you the best of luck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 May 2010):
Yes, but maybe she doesn't want the sports player with the big ego who she can't stand. Maybe she doesn't want her ex. Maybe she just wants a normal guy who knows how to treat her right and not cheat on her and actually just love her. I used to be like you. There were guys who I though had better personalities and looked better, so I used to just not bother. Then one day it clicked. Women don't want a superficial guy who will cheat and be too into themselves. They want a guy who can be reliable, and will care and wont' hurt them. Of course, you need to be interesting too, but since she's talking to you already you can be sure that you're not some bore. Far from wanting the cheats, she just wants a guy she can trust. The nice guy thing didn't work for me for a while. Then it did and now I have a very fine girlfriend.
However, don't just lay it on the line. You've asked her out before, and you know that she's been hurt. So it's more about really showing her that you can be trusted. Get to know her a little more, prove to her you are trustworthy and then lay it on the line.
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