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*uylostinlove
writes: Does anyone else see something odd/wrong with this ...My girlfriend (long distance) hasn't outright told her sisters/brother that she has a boyfriend. Even when I went down to visit her.At the time, she told me that she valued her privacy ... but ... even to her siblings? Granted she lived away from them for about 6+ years ... but she seemed to get along very well with them even after all this time (she just moved back there about 2 years ago). And, she told me that last night .. her sister asked why my online profile said single ... "weren't you guys going out? because i saw him holding your hand when he was down here" and she said that she didn't say anything but only smiled at her sister about it ... can someone really value their privacy that much?I don't think she has even told her best friends about it ...
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reader, guylostinlove +, writes (18 December 2006):
guylostinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, I just did it again today. We got into another big argument.
I told her I found it extremely disrespectful that ... every time, coincidentally, she doesn't pickup my calls or call me when she's out and about with her friends. Just like it occurred last night, I called her few times and never did get a pickup. Of course, when I spoke her to later in the day today, she told me that she was out with her friends and it was late when she got back. But that's never stopped her before from giving me call regardless if she knows I'm already sleeping at that time (3am, 4am, etc). She then proceeded to tell me she slept over at another friend's place last night and everyone was asleep/sleepy already by the time they got back. So, I told her that I found her actions to be extremely disrespectful in not calling me back. Considering I also left voicemails. Even if she had no signal where she was hanging out, she would've at least gotten the voicemail when she left. I heard this and that. It was enough of the same excuse every time it's happened. Really riled me when I heard it.
Does it sound like I am over-reacting to the situation? I personally don't think it would be too hard to give me a call back knowing I called her earlier in the night. And as I said above, it's never too late when she calls me at other times. I'm a light sleeper, I always pickup her calls.
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reader, guylostinlove +, writes (29 November 2006):
guylostinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thanks for your answers. Dr Pete, you do have some valid points and questions. So, here's some clarification from my side of what I know ...
I've known her for over three years. She used to live here in New York. About two years ago, over a period of time and an incident that happened to her family, I wasn't talking to her much. Well, during that time, she met a guy through some of her friends and went out with him for maybe 3-4 months. The guy got back with his EX and she was really downtrodden over it. So, they broke up and that was also when she moved back with her family in Florida. Since she's moved back, we've been in constant contact.
I found out about the boyfriend because I saw her cousin's blog that she was posting comments on. And, she made a lot of comments concerning the EX .. how sad she was, how much she missed him, etc ... I believe from the comments she posted ... she didn't really mention much to her family about her boyfriend at the time. I believe when they had borken up, it took her a long while to tell her family as well about it. So, I guess you could say that may be the reason why she is so clamped up about it.
I've tried looking at it from her side. But, I've always had the feeling that ... I've known her long enough. I've shown her enough love ... that she shouldn't feel any shame or embarrassment just because she met me online. Guess I've just never understood fully her side of it. But, at times, Ithink she also doesn't understand fully my side and how I feel.
But, I think "Baby Girl" is also onto a point. May just take some more time for her to warm up to a more comfortable level with me than I am with her. My patience level maybe isn't as high as other's ... so, that's something I need to take into account as well.
Thanks for all your answers, I want things to work out with her. And, that's why I'm willing to work on things. Most other girls before, I would've just dropped the bucket and moved on .... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2006): This girl has an extremely negative association with the concept of a relationship. I suspect she has either been in a very painful relationship herself, or she has seen her parents or siblings go through horrible experiences.
People who associate relationships with all the good things; love, warmth, understanding, commitment, faithfulness generally like to tell people all about how wonderful they are feeling. People who associate relationships with failure, pain, suffering, rejection and being alone tend to not tell any one that they are in one. They do this because they fear that it will end in failure any way so there is no point getting their hopes up.
I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on this.
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reader, guylostinlove +, writes (27 November 2006):
guylostinlove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the answer ... i forgot to mention that she's only been "officially" my girlfriend for 6 months even though i've known her 3 years. and, i know she's always had some hangups about the fact that she met me online ...
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