A
male
age
41-50,
*on23
writes:my g/f broke up with me 3 weeks ago. we still talk every day mainly through text mess. she always ans. my text back but lately she doesnt always ans back. she does have a 2nd job that causes her to work late, but she starts a new one next week at 8-5pm, so her life is startin to come back together! and the other nite i asked her through text if she would let me take her out next time she gets off of work early and she said yes... i also asked if she wanted me to call her the next day but she said it does not matter but i do not want to talk about us, that is why i never call u! So with wut i am tellin u the way she is acting in ur opinion is that a good sign or bad, and wut should i do??
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female
reader, pashanoodle  +, writes (10 June 2008):
 Hey jon23, I am glad you felt you could ask her sraight out - that can't have been an easy conversation for you! To be honest - girls can be a bit fickle and there is no way to know whether she may one day realise what a "catch" you were and wish you could be back together....but, she sounds pretty clear that you're not the man for her right now.
Think about this - if in six months time she came and asked you out....would you feel at ease with her? Would you be able to really be yourself or would there be a part of you wondering if the same things that didn't work between you the first time would impact again? In my opinion you would always be wondering if she was "happy with you" - you might be trying too hard perhaps, and all that has got to effect your own self esteem...relationships aren't meant to be like that. If I were you - I'd let this go.Focus on yourself and meeting new people who will be totally into you. Your ex obviously thinks you're a decent guy...but just not he guy for her...so don't be too downhearted - you'll find someone you totally click with and realise how great that can be soon!!
Best of luck!
A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (10 June 2008):
 i still sorta stick with my first answer but im betting that it would be too much trouble for you to get her back. like its been proven, she dousnt want to get back together yet, which means it would probably be awhile befor she would take you back. so id say stick with the new girl.
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A
male
reader, jon23 +, writes (10 June 2008):
jon23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks pashanoodle, but my confussion did end last nite! bc i asked her just to straight and tell me how she is feelin. i know i was textin her to much lately, but i was tired of not knowin and gettin all those signals! the next thing i will ask u please dont get the wrong impression, im not sayin that i will wait around as a matter of fact me and another girl already started contactin each other, but i wanted to know this. she said that she does not want any relationship rite now but she never plans it if it happens it happens and i understand that,but she told me that she wants to go out as friends if i want that but she said that she does not think that she will ever want to get back wit me, but she is not sayin she will neva be n another relationship! she said she does not want me now so she probably wont want me back in 6mos. from now. by her sayin that do u think there is a possibility of her changin her feeling for me and wantin me back?? wut u think?? sry to bother u!
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (9 June 2008):
Hi again, Well...she is giving you mixed signals, your second post highlights that. My suggestion would be to "put the ball in her court"...so, you can let her know that you would like to see her/take her out one night and tell her to call you when she has a free night to tee something up if she'd like to...(something like that). So - if she does want to at least see you - she will have to get in touch with you to make a plan, if she doesn't get in touch then it will be clear that she isn't really wanting to hang out anymore...which will end your confusion hopefully!! The thing is, you have to be willing NOT to contact her in the meantime...you have the initial call - put the ball in her court and then you have to wait and see. You could give her some sort of timeframe perhaps- like...I haven't got much on in July yet, so check your diary and call me if you'd like to book in a night you're free...At the end of the day though, if this gal is playing games and causing you all sorts of confusion and stress...maybe it's not the "great romance" you initially thought? Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, jon23 +, writes (8 June 2008):
jon23 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks both of yall for the input, but i have a quesi. for pashanoodle if u dont mind? i understand what u r sayin bc i have thought that myself, but when i say that she doesnt ans. back; wut i mean is she always ans. back but it may just take awhile and when she ans. back she says sry just got the mess. how can i tell if its the truth u know? and if she tryin to end contact all together, i dnt understand why when i call her house and she is not there, why she always calls me back? and the other day she called me to see if one day she could use my truck to help move things to her office. last thing is that before the other nite, she told me she did not want to go out wit me at all, but the other nite she said yea, i would like to go out wit u one nite. how do u think i should take this?? u still think it is over?
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A
male
reader, jay12toes +, writes (8 June 2008):
it swounds like she wants to give it another try but she dousnt want to yet, and she dousnt want to talk about it. she just wants to go out and have fun with you. why did she break up with you in the first place? if you dont know, then dont ask her, but if you do know then work on those flaws and go on a couple of dates with her until shes ready to be with you again.
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A
female
reader, pashanoodle +, writes (8 June 2008):
Well, I can see why you could be a bit confused...she may be giving you some mixed messages...but to be honest, I am more inclined to think she is actually trying to give you a clear message that she is happy with the decision to end the relationship....she doesn't want to be with you. I suppose I am assuming quite a lot from your brief post....but I am getting the idea that you didn;t want to end things with her, that you still have strong feelings for her, and that you see you guys getting back together again. Am I right?? I think she cared about you - and so she has engaged in this texting to and fro until recently - not wanting to hurt you/appear mean and heartless....BUT...she isn't coming back and has probably started to think that the best way to let you know once and for all is to stop contact all together. I think you're better off accepting this relationship is over, that you aren't gonna be best friends either and that it's time you started getting on with your own life!! This is probably not what you wanted to hear....I'm sorry!I hope things get better for you soon!
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