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male
,
anonymous
writes: My flatmate and I have been living together for almost 3 years and spend a lot of time in each others company, but recently I have started developing feelings for her. Problem is (yep you guessed it!) she has a boyfriend. She has been dating this guy for 7 years! but recently they have been having a lot of problems. I'm in her company the whole week round, while he maybe sees her once a fortnight. Anyhow,I told her the way i felt last week, and this week she told me she felt the same but loved her boyfriend. We have shared "intimate moments" before and since, but she's still dating this guy! Am i just a friend, an emotional crutch, a potential love interest, or am i simply being used as a substitute boyfriend?! How long do I let this go on for? and what should i do? Please advise because its driving me crazy!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Listerning Angel +, writes (11 February 2006):
It seems to me that you are being used, I really would just keep things on a friendship basis at the moment, then if she does finish with her BF one day then try to see if it goes any further. You really need to put yourself in the BF shoes, how would you feel if your GF was getting intimate with another guy she shared a flat with behind your back.
A
female
reader, nofrills +, writes (11 February 2006):
 A crutch, maybe. A substitute, could be.An in-betweener, filler-upper, most probably!
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A
female
reader, beenthere +, writes (11 February 2006):
sounds t ome like she is confused. she is having problems wit her long term relationship and needs a shoulder to cry on. that's you. i'm not saying she's using you. she probably just feels she can be this way with you. it's not surprising that you develop these feelings when you spend so much time together. she may have genuine feelings for you but you don't want to be a rebound for her. she still loves her boyfriend so be the best friend you can. don't let things happen between you any more and tell her to sort things out with her boyfriend if he is the one she wants. if it turns out she doesn't want him then you need to be there for her but don't expect her to jump into your arms forever because rebound relationships don't work
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