A
male
age
51-59,
*uman_male
writes:I've got to know my next door neighbour over the past year or so. She walks her kids to school at the same time I go to work, and we spend the time chatting. I haven't seen her in a couple of months and this week we bumped into each other. We said hi, and she said I haven't seen you in ages, and I blurted out "We should get together". And she said "We should."I have to admit I like her but I know she's married so it would just be coffee. A female friend I asked about it said she was probably just polite and probably doesn't mean it. Does it sound that way to you? Should I ask her.I've recently been asked out for coffee by a woman who has no romantic interest in me at all, and who has a boyfriend. But since we're both part of the same social club and live close by she apparently just wanted a friend, and didn't see any issue with asking me for a coffee.Thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2013): I have lunch with my male friends all the time and I am married. My husband has lunch with his female friends too. I see no problem in inviting my male friends to lunch or coffee and they invite me too. So what? Friends are friends. I say, go ahead and invite her out. Since she is married the onus is on her to decide if she is ok having coffee with you or not. All you are doing is extending the invitation, there's nothing wrong with that. One of my male friends - who knows I am married and has met my husband many times - often will invite me out for more than lunch but to like hang out with him and his friends or even to go see movies. I always politely decline those invitations since that is where I personally draw the line with my male friends but it doesn't stop him from inviting me. And I think that actually that is kind of sweet it makes me feel like he is like a brother or family member. I knitted him a sweater for his birthday. It was a horrible sweater since I am not very good at it but he proudly wore it the next time we went out for lunch. Then he went to the restroom and changed his clothes, ha. Yes I say you should invite her out. The worst thing is that she will just say no politely then you just shrug it off and nothing changes. But if you are attracted to her then no don't ask her out because getting to know her better will only make you want her more and frustrate you because she is married.
A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (17 July 2013):
human_male is verified as being by the original poster of the question Sorry I forgot to say thank you.
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A
male
reader, human_male +, writes (17 July 2013):
human_male is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI guess I won't do it. There is NO chance of anything happening. I'm not the kind of man that women want to have affairs with. But I miss talking to her, and thought it would be nice to get to know her. And I thought she might need a friend. But I do like her, and whats more I think she was probably just being polite so I'll leave it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): Don't do it. You are thinking too much about her, too interested, and she is married.
Make other "friends"
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A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 If you have a crush on her, then no. Don't do it.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (14 July 2013):
Hi there. Even though you speak to your next door neighbour in passing, it might not be such a good idea to go into her place for coffee, just in case something happens.
And who knows that it won't?
Keeping in mind that she is married, after all.
And it also depends on whether you are also on good speaking terms with her husband.
And just supposing you went into her house for coffee, well then what if her husband should come home?
It would undoubtedly be rather awkward, don't you think?
I mean, he would be wondering why you are in there?
And when you said to her - "We should get together." - Did you have anything in mind, more than just coffee?
One thing can lead to another, and before you know it the whole situation is out of control, and you find yourselves in bed together.
Did you think about that?
Even though you are just thinking a cup of coffee, but that's all.
If you did decide to "get together" how do you know things wouldn't go beyond that?
These are things you really need to consider, so that nobody gets hurt.
You really need to have a think about what you expect from all this.
Are you sure it is simply coffee that you want?
Or are you thinking more of a relationship?
It does sound like you find her attractive, and so then you are walking into very dangerous territory, because there is a high risk that a cup of coffee, is NOT all that it will end up being.
Do you see what I am getting at here?
And even if you met at a cafe for a coffee, you might still go home and go back into her house, and then trouble starts if you become affectionate towards each other.
You need to think about this very carefully, before you make any decisions.
And someone might see you who also knows her husband, and then go and tell him that you were seen walking into her house with her.
What do you think he would be feeling, once he started to think his wife was cheating on him?
And people DO talk, and they read a lot into what they see.
And much more than what is actually there.
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