A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having this LDR for 4 years now... My girlfriend went to the usa to study and I remained in Holland where I have my own House, and a good job. My girlfriend don`t want to move back to europe because she has a better job opportunity in the United States. She is done with her school and looking for a job in the states. I already have a job and my own house, and want her to come and stay here with me... She don't want to and I can't go to the united states... WHAT SHOULD I DO..? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): I can definitely relate to your dilemma. I have been in a LDR for a year. We are very much in love. He is 3000 miles away (both in the U.S.) We want to be together. We both have homes, Which I have just put up for sale a week ago. I have put in for a transfer with my company and am waiting to here of an opening. The waiting is killing me.
My point is that, someone has to be flexible, and since of the two of us, I am more of a risk-taker than he is...it has to be me! I may have to take a pay-cut, I'm not sure about that yet, but for me, Love trumps finances! It neither of you are willing to make a move...what can you do? You can't force her, as she can't force you to move here! You will both have to accept that it is time to move on. It is sad, and I sympathize with you. But how long can you sustain a LDR with no actual human contact?
(or at best brief human contact) I know for my guy and I, it is absolutely killing us!
I wish you both luck and hope you can come to a compromise!
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 With-out sounding horrible you have already both made your choices, if neither of you are willing to compromise on this.
I feel it is time for you both to move on.
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Aaahh .. yes .. LDR. Been there done that. :-(
I had a b/f through school, then we were in LDR due to different opportunities school and jobwise. We both found our dream jobs in separate countries ... I guess we were not strong enough for each other to sacrifice our "new life" back then. Lucky for us, while final breakup was painful, it was mutually agreed and to this date we remain friends - occasionally writing to each other on important events in our lives.
Moral of the story above? If she is set to find work in the USA, there is probably nothing you can do to dissuade her. However, if there is small window of hope for you, it would only be that jobs are hard to find in the US even for American citizens right now. You can also imagine how difficult it is for foreigners too. Unless, she has skills that not too many American citizens (or Green Card holders) have thus she would be in high demand, or that she takes jobs that she is overqualified for, or she is currently a holder of a working/internship permit from her school (up to 2 years? after which, if she is good she will have no problem getting sponsorship to continue working forever forever), or she works as an illegal immigrant. There is also another posibility, but I am here merely responding to your post based on what is there :-)
Question is, would you be willing to transfer to the US and join her, lets say, for a year? If it all works out, you can reassess the situation again. My LDR b/f a the time spent some time with me (as long as his entire - and more additional days - annual leave allowed), and that's when we saw how we both got jobs that were not easy to get.
Hope this helps you to think about what you feel best for you.
Cat
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