A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I did quite a bad thing: I know my boyfriend's email password and decided to check his mail last week. I came across photograph's of a young man in his underwear with captions. Obviously I want to confront him about this, but without him finding out that I obtained the information through accessing his email account and invading his privacy... but I have a right to know! I know it is bad of me to have checked his emails, but I think his 'crimes' are much worse. I found out that he experimented with men before we got together several years ago, but thought that was just a passing phase as we were 17/18 at the time. Can you suggest ways that I should confront him?
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Why did he give you his email password? Was it for a one-off occasion?
Or, did he expect that just because he gave it to you, it meant that you still should not have opened his emails? (analogy: here's a key to my apartment, but please do not use it unless I open the door myself with my own key). Duh!
But, I don't know how long you've been with your b/f, so like Army Medic said, you may invaded his privacy because you sensed "something not right" somewhere with your b/f. It might have been remark(s) that he made sometime somewhere that left you wondering or confused but you did not pursue any further. Or it could also be that you had too much idle time on your hands LOL
You did not tell us what the caption was in the picture. Calvin Klein has had huge billboards and ads in various media with adult/young adult/teen men/women/boys/girls photos of then in underwear - with captions.Some countries consider them indecent, some do not. Benetton has pictures of kids (though not in their underwear) LOL. Vanessa Paradis (Johnny Depp's partner) was thought to be really sexy by the French in 1988 when she was 14 (her song was a brief hit in Europe).
Yes, you need to talk to your b/f. Yes, first apologize (but not necessarily profusely nor grovelliing ... he did give you the password, right?) ... then seek explanation about the picture. I think you will know whether or not he lies when he gives you the answer - there are tell tales that only you know when he's lying or when he is telling the truth.
If you are not prepared to continue to be him after that ... I hope you will be strong too. I hope both of you also has forgiveness in your hearts. It is the most powerful "cooler" in the universe ;-)
Cat
A
female
reader, DannyD  +, writes (28 February 2009):
 well i think you did'nt invade his privacy because he knew you had it right.so say i was curious about your messages that you were recieving.than go to the computer and show him the picture and ask him what is it.then hear what he will say......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): You did invade his privacy, you will have to admit that in order to confront him.
As you say, you knew he expeimented when younger. Are you suspecting it's a recent photo, and his "experimenting is current? If so, I guess you will have to confront him, since it is your right to know what is going on. If you think, however that the photo is from his past, then let it go. You didn't give us details of what you found on the computer. From what you have said, I am assuming that you suspect he is still "experimenting." I believe you have the right to know the truth. You can admit to finding the photo, and take it from there. If he denies things that you know are true (from what you learned on the computer) then, you will have to admit to your snooping! Sometimes, others cause us to investigate thier behavior. I know, I was married to a lying, controlling, meth addict for years! He forced me to question everything he said and did! Sometimes, investigating (nicer term than snooping) is waranted! And interogation is the next step!
As for keeping photos from the past, I have a different belief. I have been on this earth for 58 years, and I refuse to erase my past by destroying or disgarding pictures of that evidence. My past is just that...in the past. I am in a loving, wonderful relationship. I still have (put away, not in his face) photos which chronicle my life and past relationships. Those relationships have made me who I am today. It's a pictorial of my life, and I will not deny it's existance! That's just my phylosophy!
Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2009): It's your own fault for invading his privacy. If you don't like what you seen, you shouldn't have done it in the first place.
It's like reading someones private diary. It's private for a reason.
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (28 February 2009):
 Well, you have invaded his privacy and I'm guessing it isn't just because you are nosey, and you suspected something?
So be up front and honest, admit to him that you shouldn't have been looking there in the first place, but then drop the bombshell!
Be prepared not to like his response and for the end of your relationship.
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