A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who found out that her husband's ex-girlfriend from college is the mother of his baby. My friend's husband used to have a cyber and phone affair with this ex girlfriend several years ago that had lasted 15 years until he got caught. My friend found out about the baby by secretly contacting this girlfriend through a Facebook page. She wanted to let the girlfriend know why her husband disappeared and tell her what happened. The ex-girlfriend is married and her husband thinks the child is his. My friend and the ex-girlfriend became friends and started sharing stories and this is how it came out. Is my friend in the wrong for snooping into other people's business?Is her husband's baby her business? He knows about the child, but didn't want his wife to freak out about it and kept it secret. The girlfriend wanted to keep it secret as well. If my friend tells her husband how she found out about the baby, he will be furious with her and berate her for snooping and causing trouble. On the other side of the story, he betrayed her by letting her believe he was someone else when she married him. She thought that he was not the type of man to do something like that and she may have made another choice if she knew ahead of time what kind of a person he really was. She is a beautiful, smart and talented women and she and her husband have no children of their own. She is not tied down, but they have over 15 years of marriage and life together. They are best friends and do things together and get along better than most couples I have seen.She is presently in shock and is paralyzed about what to do at the moment. She still loves her husband, but just doesn't feel the same about him anymore. First it was his long distance affair with the girlfriend, plus Internet porn, phone sex and now this!My friend is such a catch. I wish I looked like her and had half her talent. He is crazy to do this to her. Any advice?
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affair, best friend, ex girlfriend, facebook, friend's husband, his ex, long distance, phone sex, porn Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, wonderingcat  +, writes (9 March 2009):
 I made a mistake a while ago, in giving advice to a good friend, who I thought was being cheated on by her so so called boyfriend. Her sister asked me to talk to her. Her friends asked also. I knew her "b/f" and had seen him around parties, and he was always with different girls. So, despite my better judgment, I finally caved in and did tell her. And guess what? She got really mad for interfering in her love life! (Yes, I knew that was going to happen. I was an idiot!)
Fast forward 5 years. We are now talking again. But we are not as close as we were before,
Moral of the story? Let her ask for advice, if and when she wants it. Or are you saying that she has come to you for advice, and you now are asking us what to say to her to help her with her problems? Otherwise, we are just busy bodies to her :-(
I could say that yes, what he did was wrong, Yes, what she did was wrong too in a way. No, they need to work it out between themselves so you should not be interfering, etc etc etc
But next time perhaps I could be more helpful than this. I do wish that your friend will soon recover from her shock and will have a clearer head to sort things out pretty soon. It is never easy to discover that your husband/partner/boyfriend had cheated behind your back.
Cat
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