A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi. So im going to jump right into this but it may end up being somewhat long i dont know haha. but anyway ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost four months... weve really gotten into each other and i feel like she may be the one. please dont comment saying im too young i understand all that but i hear it enough. but we always say how much we love each other, hang out quite a bit, and we plan for our future. yeah a lot of this probably sounds like childhood fantasies and being love drunk or something but i do really care about her and i think im in love. I think she might be falling for her ex again tho.. they were together for two years and had a really bad breakup and i was there for her thru all of that and we became reaqlly good friends and just kind of fell in love. but he started texting her the other day and she was annoyed at first but now just continueally texts him... she says she doesnt want to hurt his feelings. but he asked her the other day who was a better boyfriend.. she said that truthfully i was and told him so and that there was a reason they broke up and was happy she was with me now.. but she keeps giving me mixed signals and tweeted that she was torn with tough thoughts... idk im just really confused and looking for any advice as i do really care about her. thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2012): hey this is me. the kid who made this topic... so we broke up for a day or two and she came back to me. but the biggest reason i broke up with her is becuse i feel that she did have feelings for him but what i told her is that "i think you have someone else on your mind that youd rather be with and after a lot of discussion she came back to me and said she didnt at all, missed me, loved me, and a bunch of other stuff so we got back together. well i justs logged in to her fb to put a oving "hacked by boyfriend" status and she had a message from him... so ik it was somewhat wrong of me too but i also had a right to know i guess.. but i read their messages. which are two days old. they had been talking about how he was trying to get with one of her friends and he said it sucked cuz he wanted her friend.
she replied with "dont talk to me about wanting another girl." he said why and she said because at one time u meant everything to me for a very long time and it hurts to know that someone took my spot"
He said "dont talk to me about someone taking ur spot when ive had to watch a friend of mine be in my spot for the last almost 5 months"
she said "you felt that way when we started dating (meaning her and i)"
and he said "yes but not so much now"
she said "so not t all?"
he said "not as much but a little yeah"
and she said "well that sucks cuz i still feel the same as i did about you as when we were dating."
and at that i logged off cuz i felt bad for invading her privacy but also for dating one of my friends ex's which hadnt really occured to me cuz we werent that good of friends til after her and i starteddating... but also ive talked to her before about getting back with ex's and she says she never will and still hasnt to this day gotten back with an ex thats broken up with her and thats what he did... but i feel he may be an exception and that she may leave me for him...): idk im just gonna give it time and bring it up to her soon.. ill let you all know how it goes.. thanks
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
 AT 17 I doubt she is “THE ONE” but it’s fun to think so isn’t it?
Cindy makes very good points… IF she was THE ONE then you would not have doubts or jealousy or fear that she was going back to her ex because part of being THE ONE for YOU means you are the THE ONE for her back.
And clearly if she has doubts then you are not the one for her. If she is continually texting with her ex they are not done… not emotionally. I am sorry to say this but they are ex partners for a reason and that is that there is something fundamentally wrong with the relationship. IF those things have not been fixed they will continue to be wrong and nothing can fix that.
IF those things that were a problem are fixed (rarely happens) then they might have a shot together again.. there is sadly NOTHING YOU can do to stop this.
There is an old saying that’s really pretty true “If you love something set it free, if it comes back to you it’s yours, if it does not, it never was”
Another point of fact, if you love her then all you want is for her to be happy right? So what if HE makes her happier than you do? Wouldn’t you do everything in your power to make the person you love happy? Yes you would, that means helping her get back with the person that makes her the happiest even if it’s not you…. IF you say “NO I could NEVER help her be with HIM she needs to be with me… “ well then you don’t purely and truly love her.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 OP, it's not just the young age, it's... how can she be "the one " ? the one is the person who loves you back, freely,generously and unconditionally. If you meet the one, you don't have to mistrust, to doubt, to feel insecure ,to read signals.
Your attachment instead is sort of lopsided, clearly this girl is a bit confused and undecided, torn between past and present. I am not saying she is cheating or thinking to cheat, but, trust me, if she were into you as much as you are into her, she would not bother continually texting his ex, she basically would not give a damn whether he's dead or alive, all this "staying friends " generally is an excuse for holding on to lingering feelings, when someone entered your life in quality of romantic love, once he/she has exited, is both very difficult and quite pointless to recycle him in the " friends " category.
Sadly there's not much you can do, since she is not technically doing anything improper, and anyway you can't
forbid her to talk or text to whomever she wants .And even if you would- that would not take away from her heart her indecision. I guess you'll have to brace yourself with patience and nerve of steels, and wait ( not forever though ! not indefinitely ! ) that she makes up her mind and seeing what a great bf you are, she decides to let go of the past once and for all.
But in the meantime, dear OP, don't start yet putting away money for your wedding tuxedo , and try not get totally overwhelmed by your feelings and emotions . You haven't started this relationship both with the same level of involvement , and with a totally free, open heart- and this is something that might change, or not.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): Hello there
Your best not to rush into those thoughts and just focus on the now, being happy with each other. You still got a couple of years of highschool left, and plus university and jobs and such can change a lot.
As for the ex situation, thats tough, ive been in that situation myself, and lost. She is not over him and he wants her back. Id tell her she needs to make a decision, cause the longer you wait, the more it hurts if it doesnt go your way. Give her a few days, no more than a week to decide, and give her space. If she chooses you but still texts this guy to the nines, or possible hangs out with him, move on, its a tough thought i know but your young with so much ahead of ya, and there is plenty of fish in the see.
Goodluck man, hope it works out and if it doesnt dont look at this as all bad, you learn things that'll make you a better man. Hope this helps.
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