A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:well, this is a little weird for me. telling this story. im turning 35 this guy who really likes me is turning 20 in a couple weeks.never met but we talk over the phone, facebook hotmail,and x box live. i never hit on him. but it turned out after knowing him for almost 2 yrs he recently has confessed he likes me an awful lot.not just likes. but he is quite confident hes found the one.it sorta freaks me out. cause he is soo young.the age taboo here is what it is. but, i have a friend shes my age her fiancee is 24 they been dating soon to be married and hes a step dad to her kids.and they are extremly happy, hes very loyal and he loves her very much and is mature enough to handle the responsibilites that goes with being her partner.and i guess nowadays i see its becoming quite the trend for young males to want older girls. so this kinda gives me the thinking maybe its not so wrong. i have tried to dissuade the guy saying he should give other girls closer his age a go. but he says he does not like nor is attracted to the qualities girls his age possess and finds himself turned off by alot of things. the guy is above average in looks, myself i have beeen mistaken for being 23 since i look so youing.and, a lot of men hit on me constantly. i am also, a mother. i have 4 litttle ones. the guy has said there is only one for him and that would be me.we do live very ver far apart from eachother.i have played out the scenes of both our families going banshee on us just because of the age difference. he does not care. yes he loves his family very much but hes looking for a life partner. he wanted kids, but i told him i cant justify having anymore. i want to live for me now. i thought this would turn him away since he wanted kids badly. at first it did, he said it would affect things. then he came bck and said, he thought long and hard about things. and said he can forgo the having his own kids part as he realizes thats not why he wants me to be his partner. he lovbes me for who i am not what i can give him and hes okay with that. so i have tried several ways to dissuade him without being mean. truth is, i do like him a lot. and the only reason i have not fed into this is because im scared of what people may think. but, like i said, i have met many young males in the early twenties dating 35 and older chics and they are extremly content and happy and would never trade what they have. i guess some really know what they want and this guy is no exception.he is not pressuring me at all for us to get together because he realizes responsibly, he needs to finish off his college and get himself a secure job. and hes mature enough to say this. my question is, is this wrong for us to pursue, should i run this young buck off. or should i give him a chance. i do like him. alot. and hes told me he loves me. his minds made up. he wants me and only me. the end. what should i do. thx people!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 March 2012): What I don't like about it all- anyone can pretend to be anyone online.That he's pushing for this relationship so bad- you are a meal ticket.Claiming its love and you haven't met in person?Lying to him already?I smell BS and drama if not abuse.Love has no rooms for lies and in fairness, honesty- you should have met by now if this were at all serious.You have children- I would be HELLA on guard that a young man wants around my children- he's a stranger. He could be unsafe to them. Why is he pushing for this 'relationship' so bad???Its suspect - the whole darned thing.Drop it and get a real dating life. Get your butt off the XBOX. You have been using it like a drug. Take a break, get out and about with your adult friends and meet people.Clear the headspace because you have been in the fantasy world for FAR TOO LONG to make a CLEAR, RATIONAL, HEALTHY, SAFE CHOICE.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 March 2012):
 Wait wait wait…you have never met IRL?? And then I read this wall of text you wrote about how PERFECT it is with a man you have never met????
All bets are off honey. And the fact that you are even considering marriage at this point is INSANE.
He hates smokers and you smoke. I quit smoking because a man asked me to. The second my marriage to him broke up I went out and bought a pack of cigarettes… it’s not a good reason to quit.
OH red flags…. As for gamers… my fiancé and I are gamers… we met at a gaming convention a few years back. Just because you are a gaming girl does not mean you are the right one for him….
And this whole I’ve talked to his friends on the xbox…. Honey GROWN UPS do not involve their FRIENDS in relationships until you are actually together and dating.. the fact that you listen to his friends and what his friends say carries weight in determining if he’s a suitable partner makes me question why this is so appealing to you?
What an ego stroke for you “you have it all”…. How could he possibly know if he’s never met you?
In theory everyone abhors cheaters… till it presents itself in their life then
You’ve talked about having sex and you have not met?
What if he smells? What if he has chronic condition and he has bad breath that he can’t do anything about???
I really think you need to meet him and map out a plan of action.
I just finished an age gap LDR… he’s 13 yrs younger and he lived 2 hours away… but we knew each other IRL (in fact that’s how we met)…. And yet it still took us MONTHS to figure out we wanted to be a permanent couple.
I am very very concerned that you have not met in person…when and where do you plan to meet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for all ur wonderful answers!! as it stands, i have discussed already withhim QUITE intensively, the aspects, ALL of them, regarding parenting, i have laid it out firm and quite thick on him. hes adamant about knowing im the ONE for him. he has had past relationships, yes. and hes very well aware im a mom. and he has stated that when the time is right, and hes financially secure, he will be putting a ring on my finger and, hes very happy to be looopk forward to meeting my family when the time comes. while he is aware parenting is very hard, and we all have beeen there, lol. he wants to take on the challenge, with me. not because of me, but because he wants to share with me this responsibility. i have told him, i dont want him to wake up one day, and say, what the hell was he thinking! he wants his own kids, and a girl his age etc, because he will by then have established a trusting relationship with my kids, and then he will be ripping that away because he ups and leaves. its devastating for them. hes stated he knows what he wants. i asked him how does he really know. he simply said, sometimes u just know. and he wont budge on that. he said, he might be youbg, but i should not judge him by his age. he feels hes mature enough to do this. and he wants this to be a lifetime companionship. not short term. he was raised in a family that is good, and he is very close with his mom, who apparently has taught him well and good.we have never met. we talk via x box and phone and facebook at the moment. he lives in the states i live in canada. as far as long distance is concerned, i also know and talk to his friends on x box who know him and schooled with him since elementary. and apparently they have all told me that he is not ur usual guy. he is not a very sexual guy in terms of getting around to get laid. he has always been a guy who is loyal to the bone and has never desired just a fling or one niter. he is a go getter. and he has always treated his exes very well. problem is hes a nice guy and most girls end up wanting to be just friends despite the fact he plays football, hes extremly sports oriented coming from a family whos hard core sports oriented and very active in playing such etc. he is not a lazy guy by any means and works hard when hes employed. yea i mentioned sports because a lot oif girls like the guys who are into sports etc. he waaas very popular in high school and all that. point is, when he has his mind made up he is set. and you cant change that. lol. im the same way. i have a while back already addressed to him my concerns that maybe he is just wanting an older girl... but he wants maturity and a level headed girl and he is turned off by the way his generation of girls are. he is turned off by the head games and the lack of maturity in them. he has tried before. hes confident but lacks luck with girls because they just wanna be friends after a year relationship or they end up in drugs etc and he HATES smokers, drug users etc. in fact i smoke. and hes asked me to quit it. he hates it. we both have a lot in common with the exception of sports. i dont really play sports anymore, being a mom with no life. lol. and i dont watch sports. except equestrian related because i love horses. but we both love to game. and i am a gaming girl and im good at whatever i do when it comes to that. i have a very raunchy sense of humour and he loves my humour, i can hang with the dirtiest thinking men and make them blush!! he loves the fact im a kindred spirit. everyone who knows me says that to me almost immediately. it reeks off of me so i been told. im wild at heart, im crazy, lol. good crazy. im just a nice girl who can make ANYONE laugh hard and people love me because of that. he has known me for almost two yrs and he loves and is attracted to ME. not my looks. although i am above average in looks, had 4 kids and im 96 pounds and have a very timy frame. im asian. yea. that ones a keeper with most guys. lol. but even if i was chubby, he said he does not care about looks. he wants a good girl with an amzing outstanding personality and i have it ALL!! including looks.so he said im everything hes ever wanted and more. and hes not backing down. he knows what he wants. and hes willing to wait a few years to get his shit together so we can be together. he said hes in no rush because he wants to finish his college schooling. hes taking underwater welding classes and apparently from what i understand from him, its extremly dangerous but it pays phenomenally well. and hes told me he does not want me to want or need for anything and he wants my family to be secured. btw, my situation is complicated personally. but the kids dad is extremly active in their lives. hes a devoted loving and fiercely protective father who would do anything and everything for his kids. so in that aspect i will never worry about the kids lacking a dad when they already have their father involved in their life daily. but of course, the guy knows already all this, but hes still wanting to help me in the daily things with them when he can. only because he will be working an awful lot if not travelling for his job. but he does not have any intentions to replace their dad. he just wants to play a minor role when they are with me. and when their with their dad then thats not his concern. i have told him all my fears. and he has said to me that he understands all this. but he wants to me know hes in this for good. and hes not interested in other girls. he could care less if a gilr who was lets compare, like jessica alba hot, if such a girl came up to him NAKED and said she wanted him. he has no interest in ever cheating. hes never been a cheater and abhors people who cheat. lol. i do see his posts on facebook towards his friends. and if he dislikes something he will tell them its not right. hes not over opinionated but hes not afraid to tell someone when they are in the wrong. anyways, he seems to be thus so far, quite the determined guy and i cant fault him for that, right. hes out for happiness and living life and working hard to enjoy the fruits of his labor. and he wants me there by his side to walk with him in life, to share his sorrows, his success, his happpiness, and his worst nightmares. he said he does not care evn if we have sex every day. he said sex does not matter to him. he just wants me there by his side. to share everything with him and with me. and thats whats most important to him. not sex, not money, not trivial materialistic thkings. and, btw, i dont care about these things either. i just want to find my soulmate in life. and it might be him. so i thank you all, and any other feed back u have after u read this reply i welcome very much. thx again friends and randoms, for all ur help!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 March 2012):
Do not live your life based on what you think OTHER People may say or think.
I am 52 and my fiancé is 38. Thankfully for us he does not want his own kids and my kids are grown so there is no real parenting for him to do.
IF he is happy and you are happy then go for it. My one CAVEAT is that you are NOT living together day to day and that can make a huge difference. So what are you plans to close the distance.
Have you guys spent real time together?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2012): it could be wrong for different reasons... not because of his age...he may not be compatible to youhe may be too immature for youhe may be trying to live out the hot older woman fantasyhave you met? first meet and find out what he is actually like..this is useless... assuming things and making whole mess of something which is all in your headyou have 4 babies.. you need a good father for them.. you have to think of all these thingsthese are the reasons he could be a wrong choice for you..he's young .. he will have a sex drive.. he will have drifting eyes.. make sure he's really committed to you ... before making any sort of committments..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): age is just a number! my man is 15 years older than me. the way people go on about age differences ticks me off a bit... what exactly are we doing wrong?! we're not out there taking drugs, committing crime.. no we're just in love lol but i'll not rant.... lol anyway yes i think u should go for it.. u can but try
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): Just consider first do you think when he gets older he will want kids and leave. Second, not everyone will be pleased or nice about your relationship. Can you put up with the negative comments?
You shouldn't get into the relationship if you have serious doubt about it lasting. If he became part of the family and then left it would hurt your kids.
If you honestly think it will last based on what you know now, then I'd say go for it. He's 20 and old enough to make his own choices after all.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2012): He's 20, its not long term. This is a passing fancy. AT 20, you don't know with surety you want to be married and raise children.
He just wants a sex ed Teacher. He doesn't know how to parent kids- he's 20. He doesn't know the stresses of relationships- he's 20.
I say give him time to learn and date. Hopping into a already made family, it will be overwhelming.
I say stick to guys who have put in the years in the dating battle field, they have better knowledge on what they are capable of.
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A
female
reader, Tailsgirl  +, writes (4 March 2012):
i Think its fine, i mean you be with who you want to be. Its dosen't matter what anyone thinks .
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