A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok I haven't known her very long, I've only been at university a couple of weeks, but I quite like her. I'm a lesbian btw.I first saw her a couple of times while waiting for inductions on my course. She stood on her own, me with my flatmates and their friend group. If I were also on my own I might have talked to her but my flatmates always wave me to come over. There were plenty of other people on their own but she didn't bother talking to them. She walked into the wrong room at first and her eyes scanned the room then landed on me for some reason. Saw her again at the SU bar and she randomly smiled at me then walked off. last week the whole course had a field trip. As usual she stood there on her own waiting for the coach, and my friends distracted me and I lost where she went. But when we started walking to the coach she came up behind me out of nowhere and tells me my jeans are stuck in my sock and starts talking to me and introduced herself. but then we got on the coach and I was about to get a seat with her when my friend grabbed my hand and pulled me with him, she looked so gutted and sat next to someone else. five seconds later she got up and moved and called me over, I didn't let my friends stop me that time. But I'd probably already given her the impression I was more interested in them than I was in her, which I'm not. Anyway, we talked the whole way there for like 2-3 hours and found we had like loads in common, and came from similar backgrounds. We even wierdly dress the same and sit the same. But she's got a girlfriend, who actually lives in the city we were visiting. At Uni its still roughly the same long distance relationship for them. Then halfway through, they ask us if we want a return journey or if we want to stay there. She said yes to a return for some reason. she could have stayed with her girlfriend for the weekend. her girlfriend called later and didn't seem too happy she said yes to a return, after that she said she might get a train in the morning and see her for the weekend. I don't know if she did, I didn't see her.Then we went round together all day with the guys infront of us on the coach. She kept rolling me cigs, they smoked aswell but didn't get any and I had my own anyway. Now I've been hanging out with those two guys and she's gone back to standing on her own and ignoring everyone but if I could find her in the crowd I would go up to her. I looked over at her in a lecture yesterday and she was looking at me, then looked away. I just don't get it. The way she is, she reminds me of me at college, the outsider. I went up to the girl I liked and tried to get to know her and get a minute of her attention before her friends snatched her away, then I did, then I felt like she didn't care or I wasn't good enough. Now god only knows how I'm the complete opposite here. but does she think I'm not interested or I don't notice her or something and now she feels stupid for coming up to me? does she like me but feel guilty about it because she has a girlfriend?or has she suddenly decided we're not good enough for her, and would rather be on her own? btw, I'm not the kind of girl that just steals people's girlfriends, even though my friends say it's no big deal and I should just go for it, but I really do like her. Nobody else here has really got quite what she's got. I just can't find anyone else attractive now, but she has a girlfriend, what should I do? :/
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flatmate, has a girlfriend, lesbian, long distance, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lah mouw  +, writes (29 September 2011):
 If you really do like her, you should get to know her as a person more. Like you said, she has a girlfriend so you should respect that. But there's no harm in getting to know someone.. From that, you never know what could happen.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (29 September 2011):
 From your commentary, it "sounds" to me like you SAY "....I quite like her..." but you are doing everything you can to avoid behaving toward her as if you do....
Quite honestly, from your description, I'd say that you are sending her wildly varying "messages".... and her reaction is understandable confusion.... and, finally, she has shrugged her shoulders and "said" to herself "I don't understand what this girl (you!) is all about... but she seems to be playing some game with me.... and I believe that I'll withdraw from that game."
I suggest that you spend quite some time assessing if "...I quite like her..." is true... and, if it is, then you determine your priorities relative to whether or not you like her enough to fit her in to you life with your flatmates and the other, unnamed, players in your story who seem to have the "inside track" on your attentions...
Good luck...
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