A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for 4 months now and I feel im finding her much less physically attractive then when i first met her. She has the best personality, careing, funny, passionate and smart, and we get on well. Yet i feel hollow inside when i talk about my feelings with her. She has confessed she is in love with me, and because of a pervious relationship that went bad i dont want to say 'i love you' until i truly mean it. And im afraid ill never say it as i dont find her phyisically attractive enough to feel that 'love'. Half the time i dont no what im feeling. Shes getting stressed out wating for me to say 'i love you' and im getting stressed out trying to figure how i truly feel about her, and not making her unhappy. I dont want to lie to her but i feel in the circumsatnces it will soon be inevitable. Any advice on this problem would be great thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you that wrote back. Your advice was very much taken into consideration. Liek a few of you said, i talked to her about the 'love' issue, and although it did upset her a little that i dont feel the same as she does about me yet, she understood and says she dosnt mind waiting. In the mean time we are still boyfriend and girlfriend, and im still very very happy im going out with her. She's pretty much all a guy needs, so I find it hard to understand why i cant just fall in love with her.
And if I feel im there, how do I tell her? Im afraid she will just think im joking or saying it to make her feel better.
Thank you all again for the advice :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (28 June 2010):
Well, you don't find her totally attractive, which is a bad sign. In return, she's pushing you to say something that you're not ready to say. That's also a bad sign. What I'm saying here is that there are two very good reasons you shouldn't be together. You don't find her attractive enough really. She's taking things a little too fast and a little too seriously. 'I love you' isn't something you just say after 4 months of dating. It takes time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): Part of your finding her not as physically attractive is probably A LOT to do with the fact youre feeling stressed to say 'i love you' and she's getting stressed waiting for you to say it. This could be complete bullshit, but I think you subconciously dont want to find her physically attractive cause then you'd feel guilty not loving her since the sexual stuff and the love stuff are supposed to be together- in the ideal relationship. I like your way of thinking- I personally hate to rush into the 'i love you' thing as well. And I think when people say it too soon in relationships- its not real love anyway. Explain to her more if you can about how you respect her so you dont wanna just be like 'i love you' without meaning it etc.Its unfair of her to be pushing you to love her. You should express this to her somehow- in a way as nice as possible. You can also tell her that you definitely care about her and do something nice for her i.e. buy her a nice gift- to let her know she is appreciated. She might just be needing those things- rather than the full on Love- which she thinks she needs.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 Why are you still dating a girl whom you find unattractive or only marginally attractive ?
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