A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This girl I really like initiated some dates with me about two months ago. I wasn't sure at first how I felt about her in that way. I'd known her for about three months before that and we'd gotten on alright. However, over the past six weeks I've found myself falling for her. She kept telling a friend of mine how much she's likes me yet I was still not entirely sure whether she was completely over her ex or how she really felt. She has had a pretty turbulent, on/off relationship with the father of her child for about four years. By wanting to see me I perhaps naively thought she was over him.I decided to write her a letter because I hadn't seen her for about two weeks and wouldn't for another two and the uncertainty was putting my life on hold. I told her that I wasn't declaring love or anything but that I thought she was amazing and deserved to be happy. Her response to my letter has left me totally confused. She said that she was giving the ex another chance for the sake of the child and "guesses" that she still loves him. I was upset but sought of understood her reasons, although he has hit her in the past and I'm totally frustrated that she even gives him the time of day, despite the advice of her friends. Rather than just say she wasn't interested in me anymore, she really flattered me and this is what has confused me. I can't believe she would say the things she did just to make me feel better. She said I was the best man she'd ever met and that she could easily fall for me. What left me angry though was when she said I'd given her back her "self worth." Surely, the man who she "guesses" she loves should have been doing this?I was dealing with the rejection alright until I discovered that she had actually agreed to marry him in August, two weeks before she told me these things! I guess my letter forced the issue but now I'm angry and frustrated as I can't understand why she's getting married yet has these feelings for me. Have I scared her or does she honestly feel that it's the right thing to do? I don't want to hurt and confuse her but can't bear the thought of what she's doing? Please help, what should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2007): sorry to hear that yeah it hurts .. but you should move on instead of keep thinking back ..
i'm agree with that people do not always marry out of love ,that was kinda sad
take a bright look at this,i have no experience but i really want you to be happier on this stuff
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2007): Let her go. She is marrying him. Decision made and agreed about actions should align with words and when they don't -actions and in actions speak volumes.
Hurts like hell but the truth remains, you told her what you felt and didn't put it all on the line-and she still chose him.
She seems pretty determined.
Best of Wishes.
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A
female
reader, a shoulder to cry on +, writes (25 June 2007):
sounds to me like she's going to mess you around if you let her. if she changes her mind again don't bother or you'll just get your heart broken. get out before you get to deep.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (25 June 2007):
 Based on your email, I do not think she has the feelings for you that you think she claimed she did.
She is with that other guy, not because of how good he is to her, but because of the fact 1-he is the father of her child and 2-he makes her feel something that you did not.
I know you are hurting, but you must also understand that people do not always marry out of love...something they marry for other reasons. The world is not the way it "should" be, it is the way it is.
Never listen to what she says...listen to what she does. She is getting married to him. Unless you are prepared to take the risk, and sweep in and marry this woman, and be a step dad to her child, and risk it all with the understanding that she could STILL reject you, then walk away.
-Frank B Kermit
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