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male
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*ich71
writes: My girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for four months now. It's a very complicated situation and I am trying to make sense of it and to be sure that I am on the right path with her.We are both in our 30s and have had some experience and disappoinments in the past. When I met her in January, she was married (still living with husband) and told me that she was planning on leaving her husband very soon. I believed her and so decided to take the risk of getting involved.We fell in love very quickly and we introduced each other to our children.A few weeks into the relationship, she found an apartment and decided to take it in preparation for the separation from her husband. I offered to share it with her but at that time she told me that she would prefer to live alone for a while and that I should stay where I am. She then said that she would not be taking the apartment until September, and that I could use it in the meantime. This suits me as it is very inexpensive and will allow me to save some money for my own place.About a month ago, she told me that she was prepared to tell her husband that she wanted the divorce now but that she needed a break from our relationship to deal with that.It was very painful for me to step back from the relationship, but I did so. Since then, we have remained in regular contact by phone and IM and occasionally go out for lunch. She is, however, not showing any desire for physical contact with me.I'll be honest and say that I worried that maybe she had found someone else and recently I asked her about that. She told me categorically that there was no-one. I remain unconvinced as there are a couple of guy-friends that she spends a lot of time with. One of these friends is crazy about her and she has said that if she hadnt met me she might have been interested in him. Still, she never hides the fact that she gos out for drinks or lunch with him.Finally, today, she said that she recently had a huge fight with her husband and that they had agreed on the divorce. However, she does not want to wait until September to move into the apartment and that she will be moving in with me and that there is no pressure on me to find anywhere else.In summary: We have not had any physical contact for a month and I do not want to be disappointed as I hope that our relationship will pick back up again once we are living together. I am also worried about this friend of hers.Am I just being paranoid?
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female
reader, Anja +, writes (17 May 2006):
 No, it's natural to feel concerned that she has been seeing a guy which she should know fancies her!! Maybe she was testing the water with this guy to see how she felt about him. But now after going out with him a couple of times she has decided it's you she wants! I'd take things slow if you can. Maybe wait until the dust has settled a while where the divorce is concerned. Let her settle in her new place if possible. Then when YOU feel ready to, move in with her if that's what you want. Just be careful though, she of course will still be feeling vunerable/stressful after breaking up with her husband. Even though she no longer loves him...she will come away with a lot of emotional baggage. Give her some time to herself, still be there for her of course. If you love her tell her and reassure her, but take things slow!
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