| A
female
,
*eryconfused
writes: ive been having an affair with an attached man for over a year now and i love him and he says he loves me but he wont leave his girlfriend because he has 2 children and he wont walk away from them. he says he loves her too but if he didnt have kids he would be with me completely.they lead seperate lives she works night time and he works days so they dont spend time together he spends more time with me than her. i know i cant carry on sharing but i dont want to give him up either.please help as im very confused
View related questions:
affair Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, veryconfused +, writes (18 May 2006):
veryconfused is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi thanks for your replies i shall take some of your advice ill let u all know how i get on
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (17 May 2006):
 But even if he leaves this woman for you you will continue to share him....with his children!! You will never have him to yourself because his kids come first. Get some scruples and leave this guy. You shouldn't be ruining this relationship for him. Let him break up with the mother of his children without any pressure form you (if that is what he wants to do) before you go making life plans with him.
...............................
A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (17 May 2006):
 My dear it stands to reason you are very confused. I dont really think I can add anything on top of what great advice you have been given, but the simple fact is this: you cannot have your cake or eat it too. Let me explain what I mean by that analogy, this fella not only has a girl, but he has 2 kids, who should be the centre of his attention. So if the guy is the "cake" my dear you cant have him. You may not want to share him, but if you dont want to give him up then you will have to do just that. My friend, you dont want to be a homewrecker do you? And I dont think you are a bad person, you have just falen for the wrong man, I have done it, but my dear, this has got to stop. If you remain with him, h eis cheating on his girl, so he has already shown himself to be an unfaithful person, thus he has no regard for his partner nor for his kids. My dear, cut all ties. You can and will find better. All the best. xXx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Here is the lowdown on your unavailable, otherwise attached bf. He's in a committed relationship with another woman and has two children with her. These factors indicate to me that--he's got low character because he's okay with being dishonest and he's perfectly fine with cheating on his gf. Second, he has no regard for his love relationship, nor the impact this will have on his children. And most importantly, he has no real regard for you, because what you're getting from him is really nothing, just scraps and bits of time that's cloaked in secrecy guilt and shame. Is that really the type of man and relationship you always wanted, dear? This is why many single women stay away from attached men. These women uphold themselves to a higher standard. No matter what the circumstances are, you are still helping a man cheat on his gf and you are contributing to the demise of his family. Let's agree you're better than that. A good, loving, relationship is what you deserve and should not be lived in secrecy. Go find yourself one that allows you to be so happy, you can shout about it from the rooftops. You truely deserve better and I think you know this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2006): Hi veryconfusedI feel for you very much knowing that someone you love has a wife and family that you arn't part of.What makes you think you can't fall in love with a man who isn't already taken?You have probably thought about this every day but is it really fair on his wife, or his children, if they find out about you? Could you deal with knowing that she will want to hunt you down and kill you for betraying her and breaking up her family? That is how she will see things. This man has given you a number of reasons to excuse his betrayal, but dear, they they are not really good enough.For whatever reasons you are choosing to put up with so many painful feelings, all for the love of a person you can't ultimately have, you need to find the strength in knowing that if you end things with this man, you can find yourself a single man who will be exclusively yours. Can you imagine how brilliant it would be to not have to share? You could have yourself your own family.I hope you find the strength to get yourself out of this horrible situation, remember, you deserve more than being the "other" women. All the best with whatever you decide to do.
...............................
|
