A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So for the first time, I (31) am dating a girl(33) that I am head over heals in love with. It has only been 4 months, but we have known each other for about ten years. Our relationship has been incredible. We get along so well, that I can't imagine being without her. About three weeks ago, we started arguing a bit, and then things would be good. Neither one of has a good history of successful relationships. We talked about our issues, and she told me she was feeling like she didn't have enough time to do her own things. I completely respect this, I enjoy my time alone, and with my friends as much as anyone. She is at work a lot more than me, and therefor I probably have more free time than her. I feel I have been giving her the time she needs, and it shows, but things are just not the same. Today she said she doesn't know what to do, she cares for me a ton, but at the same time feels trapped. She doesn't want to break up, but thinks that we might not be able to make things better, that part of her has given up. I told her the only way to make this work is if we both talk and work things out together. I want this more than anything, is there anything I can do to save this relationship?
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (9 June 2010):
I suspect, given that both have had problematical relationships in the past, that you've got over the past, whereas she hasn't. And I think she either has commitment issues, or she has not spent time by herself doing her own thing. The best thing to do is to move on and let her live her life, while you find a woman who is ready to commit. It just doesn't sound like your girlfriend is ready to commit at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2010): I feel the same as her sometimes in my relationship. It's nothing against you. What things does she want to do on her own? I have a few hobbies I like to do at home and I find it really relaxes me and takes the pressure off when my boyfriend comes over with a book to read (or anything else you might want to do) and we can just share the same space for a while but be doing our own things. She'll probably also appreciate some time apart to do her things too and I think you should talk about how much time she would like and also (if you do this now) consciously stop assuming the two of you will be spending tonight together and instead ask her if there's anything she'd like to do tonight.
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