A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been fwb with this girl from work 4 3 months. She's new I flirted, she crushes on me and I'm flattered but tell her I get kinda lazy in relationships, so she agreed to fwb. Well damn she got to me with her amazing blowjob skillz, and to top it off, she's really nice. She hangs with Cool friends and family I could easily fall for her. But she's not my type, physically...I don't no why But I gotto end benefits and keep her as friend. How can I let her down, so she don't get crazy upset, I think she thinks we could make this 4 real. I will f*n miss those bjs, she never let me touch her like that so I don't know what else I miss. All I know is she's cool and don't deserve my games, never had this problem before.
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female
reader, fishdish +, writes (14 December 2010):
 tell her you don't want to use her anymore for oral sex and because you value her as a friend, you want to be on THOSE terms rather than ones based on your satisfaction. if you want to remain friends, I don't know what the benefit is of telling her that you're not attracted to her is, just say you want to get to know her as a person rather than a sexual object. i'm sure she'd actually appreciate it.
A
female
reader, Tine  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 i agree with 'the walking dude' and say that she must be some part of your type otherwise you would never have started having sex with her in the first place..
do you think you have already started falling for her, hence the reason you keep going back or it is just because shes good at oral sex?? if its the oral then i suggest you tell her right away that you value her friendship too much to carry on, it's gone on for long enough and to be honest you know that she is gonna end up getting hurt.
she may value your honesty and respect your decision enough to walk away
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (13 December 2010):
 You need to just tell her straight that you love her as a friend and think she is really cool, but because you like her so much, you want to stop the sex - because, even though it might sound weird, she is worth more to you than that.
She will then ask why she can't be all that and more for you, and you will have to say because she is not quite your type, and you can't see yourself settling down with her.
This is an uncomfortable truth (to say the least - because you have had sexual contact with her, and enjoyed it - so she, understandably, won't find it easy to understand why you want to end it) - anyhow, only way is to face it and tell her.
And you've never had this problem before - what, with your other fwbs?
Just before you say anything to her: be TOTALLY sure that you really don't want her, because after you tell her you don't want sex with her, she will probably dump you completely.
Maybe this feels different and the problem you haven't had before is that you actually like her - you rate her. It can be very difficult (and is for a lot of people) to kind of merge the sex mode with the friend mode. Just because you like her doesn't mean you can't also have sex with her ...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2010): So, basically you kept her around because she's good at oral sex? Lovely(!) If she's physically not your type then why are you having sex with her? I mean isn't that the whole point of FWB?
Well, you're just going to have to tell her that you think it's best the benefits part stops but you think she's a great girl and want to be friends.
Why do you think she will be so upset? Have you given her any false promises about having a relationship or lead her on? I do hope not because yes she will be upset.
Either way you need to tell her the truth.
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