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male
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anonymous
writes: Hello, my girlfriend cheated on me a year ago. It was at a party with mutual friends that I didn't feel up to going to and told her to go out and have fun (like any good boyfriend would do.. I didn't want her to stay in just because I was under the weather, even though she offered.). Now it is around that time again and I feel the pain coming back (although it has never gone away). We have been together since the end of Junior year in High School and now we are in our last year of College. I really love her so much, and I think she loves me, too... but the pain just WONT GO AWAY. I don't know what to do with myself sometimes.The whole thing started when we were drinking and I caught her on the phone, in her car, with my best friend (and her ex). I have only had two "real" girlfriends in my life, and my first cheated on me (although we'd never had sex yet). My current girlfriend is my first and only and she is my world. I was not her first, though. So, naturally I'm very jealous from my first relationship, and when I caught her in the car I basically asked her what she was doing and she said "nothing" so I told her "**** you and your 'boyfriend'." Naturally this upset her, and I know it was horrible of me to say, but to this day, I still don't know what was going on that night.Anyway, a month later (still upset because of this incident) she cheats on me with another friend of mine. She didn't tell me until 4 months later and she claims the guilt was too much to bear. I was depressed for several weeks and cried myself to sleep every night. In my mind we were this perfect, unseparable couple who loved eachother and nothing could ever go wrong... my world was CRUSHED. After several weeks of thinking, I told her I forgave her. This was very hard for me since she was the ONLY one I'd been with and she has been with someone else after we got together.Now I find myself CONSTANTLY questioning whether she loves me or if she's cheating on me. I get insanely jealous when I even see her talking to another guy. I asked her why she had cheated on me--and she insists it was because of the incident a month earlier and knows of no other reasons. I don't believe her, and I'm so frightened it will happen again, and I don't think I could bear that pain again. I feel like I put her though a lot of pain by bringing it up, but only to learn more about why she did it to possibly prevent it happening again. I don't know how to get over being jealous... it is really affecting my school work and I can't concentrate on anything. I also feel like I can't trust my male friends anymore, so it has affected every aspect of my life, and I think about it every day.I feel like I'm going insane sometimes. One minute I want to just leave and another I just want to be sleeping next to her and thanking God I have her. I'm so confused and don't know what to do--I've basically been living my life day by day. If you have any advice to give I'd would LOVE to hear it.
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best friend, cheated on me, crush, depressed, her ex, jealous Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Prada +, writes (7 December 2006):
Okay well you have gone through way too much and you have been extremly strong,But you have to think how much more of this can you take you deserve some much more than what you are getting.You should really ask her if she wants to break up and if she says no then you need to tell her that there are somethings that are going to have to change like hanging out around guys all of the time.But of you do decide to break it off you need to make sure that you do not bring al of these feelings into your next relationship.But it all comes down to you have to do what is going to make you happy.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): I think you wont really be able to shake that horrible feeling until you finish with your girlfriend.
I know its not what you want to hear but I think you know that you should really.
It sounds to me as if she is aware of the fact that she can get away with cheating on you, so if she can have her cake and eat it, Why would'nt she?. Now dont get me wrong I'm not saying that she should do it but people will only do what we let them.
I really dont think that this is a healthy relationship for you to both be in, Its obviously doing you harm to carry this relationship on. Its only natural to feel sad and depressed about this but know this: in time the feelings will pass and you will find someone who really loves and respects you.
So on that note I think that you know that the best thing to do is to finish the relationship so that you can both move on and start to recover from this.
Ok good luck with the future, whatever you do.
XX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2006): Honetly, i think you should leave this girl. Everytime she has sex with another person, she will find an excuse. I don't any guy out there would be happy about this situation.
Trust me be single for a couple of weeks and try to sort your head out.
Ask yourself this...Is this girl putting as much effort as you are?, Is she really worth the pain?
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