A
male
age
30-35,
*shley0112358
writes:My question is, "Are my insecurities making me a bad boyfriend at the moment?"A bit of information to help answer my question:*We are both 21*been together 5 Years, 5 months and 3 weeks*We have a happy, and usually strong relationship*We are always honest and open with each otherSo, over the past 3 months I have noticed a change in my girlfriends demeanour, she has became short tempered, very defensive, and started lying about little things. The strangest thing of all, is that she has gone off things like hugs, kisses and massages (which she usually loves)I put all of this down to the stress of having to hand in her dissertation, so I haven't mentioned any of it to her, and instead just supported her, keeping her calm and reassuring her that her dissertation will be great (as she is amazing)Well she handed her dissertation in last Thursday (6 days ago) and I thought she may have cheered up a bit, but that wasn't so.I knew she had exams coming up and a Hen weekend she wasn't looking forward to, so I assumed those things were stopping her from relaxing and being happy. She called me on Friday morning, before her and the girls set off. Our call was extremely short for us, lasting only a few minutes and it went like this;girlfriend - "O.K. we are setting of in a few minutes, i'll speak to you late Sunday night."me - "Of course gorgeous, have a great time, love you"girlfriend - "Will try, bye."Her not saying I love you too is odd, but it didn't bother me, as I guessed it was because her soon to be sister in law friends would make fun of her.So that's how it went, we didn't speak for the weekend until Sunday night, and when we finally spoke she sounded, worried and distracted (I though she might of realised how close her exams are)So we were speaking and she wasn't forming proper sentences which is strange for her, as she normally doesn't stop talking, yet she didn't seem to have much to say.So i asked if she had a good time, and how the weekend was, checked the bride to be had a good time. She was very short with her answers, hmmming and ahhing, and giving answers like, yes no, and whenever she was about to start a sentence she would cut of after the first few words.Then out of the blue she started talking (like she usually does - full sentences) telling me about all the guys hitting on all the girls but her, and about several guys flirting with her sister.I replied with a laugh and said well it seems like you all had a good time, i'm sorry no one flirted with you.Then she went quiet for a while, so i asked if she was ok, she said she was tired and went quiet again.So i told her, i'd let her go get dinner with her family so she can go get some sleep after.And as i was about to say bye, she blurted out about these guys on the room next door who was banging on the door at stupid times in the morning, and then she hesitated, and i said, yes what about them, and she finished, saying, " uhm yeah well, my sister answered to tell them to shut up, and one guy had his jeans round his ankles and no boxers on."So i laughed, and said, "well sounds like they were having fun"To which she quickly said, i didn't see anything, trying to reassure me, but i wasn't worried i trust her.She also told me that she and a girl went into a toilet cubicle together (so that they didn't have to wait for separate toilets) which is odd, as my girlfriend has personal space issues, and is a bit of a homophobe (towards lesbians only) she would never take her trousers down in front of another woman.She also told me about some hot lads, who were standing at the door of the club welcoming guests, and about how they tried kissing her sister in law, and her sister and some of the other girls, but not her, she seemed to be trying to convince me nothing happened (not that I'd mind because its just a bit of fun)So i saw her yesterday (Monday) and she said she was tired, and was snappy, so i gave her a nice long massage and let her relax, but she has been really off with me, and not very talkative as usual.Basically she is acting extremely out of the ordinary, and its worrying me slightly, i want to make sure she is ok. She is never this over defensive, never. Like I mentioned the hot guys asking if they are hot (I'm Bi-curious) so me and my girlfriend talk about hot guys often, and she got really defensive saying what all the other girls did, but fails to tell me what she did.I'm feeling a little insecure because i cant seem to cheer her up, and she seems like she might be hiding something from me, I'm trying to just support her and be there for her, I don't want to ask her anything right now because she has exams to worry about, one today and one on Thursday.I will ask her to talk to me next week when she has nothing to stress her out.Hopefully it is just exams that's got to her, as I would be distraught if it was anything else, not that I'd mind if she kissed someone else, or even slept with them for that matter. What would hurt, would be the fact that she couldn't tell me, as i've said honesty is a big thing.So yes, do you think that I'm dealing with this the right way, I want to support her for her exams and don't want to add uneeded stress. Do you think she may be hiding something from me, or do you think it is just stress from exams and dissertation.I know that answers from women may be harsh and thats fine, as you will be able to give me the most informed honest answers.So if I'm being an A$$, or insecure, or immature about all of this please let me know.I pride myself on being honest, mature and caring, so even if you only have negative things to say about me (or want to point out my flaws), please say them as they will only help me become a better man, and a better boyfriend.Thank you all so very much.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): I wouldnt say you were being clingy. You trust the girl you let her go away and listend to what she did. You sound like a lovely, caring nice natured guy to me. The thing is I had a bf like that and after a while it bores you. When I was not being myself or having a go at him, I just wanted him to turn round and say something that made me sit up. He used to try things to cheer me up as he said 'he didnt like to see me stressed or having a rant'. The thing was I couldnt be happy all the time and if I was stressed and didnt feel I wanted to talk about it then i wanted to be left alone.
The other thing was though, when I was being like your gf i was seeing someone else.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2011): Well I'd have a talk about it with her if I were you. Obviously I don't know her but judging from your post it sounds like there's been a big change in personality. It doesn't sound like you're being clingy from what you've written but if there is a problem then it's best to just discuss it with your girlfriend and get it out in the open. Instead of guessing (possibly wrongly) and making the situation worse.
It still could be from tiredness and stress from the dissertation and then having to go out on a hen night so I'd wait a couple of weeks after all her exams have finished and then if she's still acting strangely, bring it up with her.
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A
male
reader, Ashley0112358 +, writes (10 May 2011):
Ashley0112358 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you, i'll take that into consideration.
I hope that clingyness isn't the case. But i will ask her next week.
Anyone else got any views on this, any advice will help
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Maybe you are being too clingy - and she just assumes ullbe there like a lap dog- I assume that of bfs and treat then as such, specially if they tend tor amble and ramble on why is it my fualt or realtionship is wrong, maybe u did something to upset her? When I acted like that either I found my bf annoyingly clingy adn wanted him to be a man and gtfaway from me, or I was upset with him, I suggest trying tot ake ur space as well. Maybe she is confused?
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