A
male
age
41-50,
*uperDan
writes:Lately, I've been sort of dating a woman who I used to date a couple of years ago, but it didn't work out. In fact, she proved to be one of the worst dates I've ever had.So why are we together again?Well, it's a matter of she's my best friend's sister in law, so I kind of have no choice but to like her if I want to keep my friendship intact (even though my friend already knew about what happened with us before, but conveiniently ignores it, hoping to play matchmaker). The problem is that nothing has changed with her: she still whines endlessly about her life, she gossips non-stop about everyone she knows, including my friend, and never talks about anything we have mutual interest in...and it lasts ALL DAY!And man! Does she have an ego! She figures everything I do and think, good or bad, is because of her. She's also a very damaged woman, having had bad relationships with her family and this other guy she claims to have feelings for but isn't well suited for her. She dumps all of her problems on me, and when she asks me to do something and I say "no", she always takes it as a personal attack against her.The counterpoint to this is that she's a real good kisser, and has a strong emotional side to her. *sigh* not to be cruel, but I sometimes wish she were a mute.My question is how do I get out of this without severing my friendship with my best friend?
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best friend, kisser, sister in law Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): Well I’m sure you know too well that there is are many differences b/w dating and marriage, your life and happiness is much more important than your friendship with your friend. I am sure that you must have within you the qualities you want from a woman you want to be your life partner. So you should focus on how to have a happy family like your friend than how to keep a good relationship. I therefore advise you to check the qualities in her if that is really what you need from a wife and good mother of your kids, if not, then you call the relationship a day. Because you can’t be happy outside and be sad inside.
A
male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (5 August 2008):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou were right, Lexilou and Emilyanswers. It would be wise for me to just make a clean break.
Unfortunately, before I got to do that, I saw that this girl had already deleted me off of her Myspace friends list without warning and supposedly, my best friend now rejects me...but in all honesty, I think it's just the girl hijacking my friend's profile to masquerade as them, which is something she HAS done before. What makes this worse is that this is exactly what happened before with us, but like the idiot that I am, I let myself fall for it hook, line and sinker!
So I guess the old saying is true: "Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". *sigh* thanks for your help ladies. Sorry I let you down.
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A
female
reader, lexilou  +, writes (4 August 2008):
 So tell her!!!
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A
male
reader, SuperDan +, writes (4 August 2008):
SuperDan is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo no no you don't understand.
The woman irritates me no end, she's antagonistic and opinionated, and she uses guilt as a way of getting what she wants. I happen to be accepting of human emotions and lending an open ear to a person's troubles, but not when it's all we talk about. I need more than that, I need a reason to want to be with someone aside from just being a shoulder to cry on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2008): Hello
Quite simple really, just be truthful to your friend, be truthful to the woman you are with and above all yourself. She sounds like a roller coaster of mixed emotion and you sound quite lacking in emotion and obviously have no feelings for her other than wishing she was mute. I wonder what the reason is for keeping your freind happy at your unhappiness? I wonder why you have to think of going as far as severing your freindship? Is that easier than facing any conflict, where you would have to express emotion? You also say she is damaged due to poor relationships, i think to have difficulties within relationships and family is a natural way of life for most. I would be more concerned if a human being never had any emotional difficulties to work through and i guess life would be pretty bland. Maybe she is too human for you and makes you feel uncomfortable?
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (3 August 2008):
You cant be expected to date someone just because she is related to your best friend in some way. You need to be stronger about this and just end it with her. You do not have to justify anything to your friend. Do you pick his girlfriends for him?? Move on from this woman as you dont love her and she is making your life miserable. If your friend cant accept that he is not that much of a friend really. x
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (3 August 2008):
Well you don't have to hang around her alone. She's not your friend, she's your friend's friend.
If you know she's going to be there then don't go out, and see your friend when she is not around.
Mention to your best friend that although she's great physically, you really don't like her personality and would just be using her really. Your best friend should get the hint and tell her to back off... or at least make sure you are not left alone together all the time.
Good Luck!! xx
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