A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do i get my girlfriend to talk about us, our relationship, her feelings, her feelings toward me. Every time i want to a have a talk about us, she looks away, or she goes quiet, or tries to change the subject, or finds something to distract her, or she just gives short 'yes' and 'no' answers and never looks me in the face when she does answer. I asked her why she avoids communicating with me, she said she doesnt like talking, she will rather show how she feels. I'm frustrated from trying, i dont know what to do, i need to know whats on her mind. Please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Molly101  +, writes (23 March 2010):
Been through that and done that before to my boy friend. When i did that? I would get bored about what we talk about, i like to show how i feel too! If thats the problem i normally find a guy no appealing or interesting and fun. and if you can check out my Questoin and see if you can help with mine please (:
A
female
reader, purplewasabi  +, writes (23 March 2010):
 I thought for a while about this one, and tried to really put myself in your girlfriend's shoes. It's a difficult question. I think there are several things you could attempt - it's good that you have the confidence to ask her directly, that's definitely a start for the both of you.
My first and favourite suggestion would be to consider just reeling off with your own feelings gently. Talk for a while, be very open, make it clear that you're not hiding your feelings and that you are not embarrassed to speak the truth about your emotions. This is really important, because I think your girlfriend might just be embarrassed more than anything; there's a certain wall that some people cross when they see themselves admitting to a relationship vocally, and her short answers could well represent her nervousness. The fact that she said she 'doesn't like talking' suggests it's not the relationship she dislikes or is trying to hide from, which is good for you! If I were her, I would acknowledge your encouragement and frankness and find it easier to slip my own emotions to the situation. Just make sure you don't force her to listen; perhaps just chat casually in bed or in the car etc.
Another thing you could try is... alcohol. Probably a strange suggestion, but a little loosening up can go a long way for her tongue. :P
If things get really frustrating and you can't deal with it any more, you might have to show her just how much it upsets you that she doesn't talk with you. If the relationship is worth talking about, she'll recognise your irritation and respond.
All the best with this. (:
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (23 March 2010):
Your stepping on her toes by initiating "define the relationship" talks. That's a womans job to intiate those talks. If she doesn't initiate the talk then she is happy with the relationship the way it is. Initiating this talk with her is similar to her pushing a marriage proposal on you. A man is supposed to do the proposing and a woman is the one who intiates relationship talks. If you try to switch roles you will push her away
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