A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Had a row with a girl I been seeing fortnight ago. She had been promising me to meet but kept cancelling or puttin me off. Told her how much it bothered me but she kept doin it. So I got very frustrated and blew up, saying it was over between us and cursing (not cursing her just using curse words). Now she wont talk to me. I wrote a lotta emails, texts and called her once. I asked her to just talk to me to tell me goodbye but she wont even do that. Just silence. She once told me that it was always better to talk but I guess that was just rubbish.Anyhow, I dont know what to do. I dont want to be a stalker, but I dont want to lose everything because I blew up. Is she being unreasonable or from a woman's perpective is it understandable?How should I proceed?Thanks much for all your replies-Berne
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Hi there, this is Berne.
Thanks for your answers. Just want to clarify that we had the row a fortnight ago, NOT that we have been dating a fortnight ago!
We been seeing each for quite some time.
Thanks tho.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 ‘She’s been promising to meet but KEPT CANCELLING or PUTTING ME OFF”
You then TOLD her this bothered you and SHE KEPT DOING IT
“I asked her to tell me goodbye…. Just silence”
Berne, she’s TOLD YOU with the above ACTIONS goodbye. SHE TOLD YOU with her ACTIONS that she was not that into you.
She won’t talk to you because after 4 dates and a lot of trying to be NICE about not seeing you, you blew up at her, lost your temper (because she wasn’t being forthright about how she DID NOT feel about you which was SHAME ON HER)…
You don’t want to lose EVERYTHING… what are you losing? A woman that does not want to see you.. that can’t be honest with you…..
She’s a coward in that she didn’t tell you she didn’t want to date you but what you need to do is DELETE—NEXT!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Sounds like she tried everything to put you off her, then when you blew up you gave her the ideal excuse to stop contact.
Delete her number, move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): Well if she kept cancelling and putting you off it sounds like she didn't really want to meet. OK so she was a bit indirect about it but if she's gone silent she is being more direct now. So let her go, and learn from the experience.
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A
male
reader, porkchop135 +, writes (7 February 2012):
you need to delete her number, been there done that!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2012): You scared her off. It is probably for the best, if only after 4 dates you blew up at her can you imagine what she thinks her furture would look like with you. Even if is even isn;t that serious. Just apologize and move on.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Well Berne, you've done all you can, and now there's nothing else to do that wont make you look stalkerish.
She doesnt seem to be just that into you. Sorry, but you may have to accept that sooner or later.
She's been putting off dates, cancelling on you, continued doing it despite knowing that it bothered you. Either she really doesnt care or these were just ways of trying to put you off and cause a fight, which would lead to an easy break-up. Either way it doesnt look good from your perspective, so you just have to accept it and put it behind you and move on.
If a girl wants to call you, she WILL. There are no games or different perspectives here. If she wants, she will call you from the other end of the planet and if she doesn't want, nothing can ever make her call you.
And just so you know, you haven't lost anything just because you blew up. Seems like there never was anything in the first place. It takes two to make a relationship, and if half the people involved are putting in zilch into the relationship, then its as good as non existent.
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A
female
reader, Crazy Fox  +, writes (7 February 2012):
 Hi Berne,"but I dont want to lose everything because I blew up" - I can't see that you would have SO much just only after a fortnight being with a girl. Do you know any reason why she was behaving like you explained? Maybe she had a valid reason for it, I guess I'd be angry too, but give her some time and hopefully she will be ok with you again.All the best
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