A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so I'm almost 18 and my girlfriend is 15 we have about a 2 year 9 month age difference and we have been going out for about 10 month now. Now on to the question I feel that I'm a very sexual person and I know she's a little younger then me and not experienced as a I'm so I've been more then willing to wait the time that I have... but like there hasn't really been any sexual contact at all... and I've tryed talking to her about it, I wasn't asking for sex, just like other things besides the kissing and making out, and well this extremely upsets her and she accouses me of only wanting sex and I go on a guilt trip and feel like a bad person but I feel its just not fair. Like things like this are really important to me and when ever I try to talk to her about it I get yelled at for it. its getting to a point where I'm extremely unhappy and I've thought about breaking up with her but I really can't let her go she's an amazing person. is there anyway I can make this work?
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female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (30 May 2008):
 shes only 15 you need to give her a chance.shes young i get that you dont want to have sex.and i get that your 18 and that you get really horny.but just wait for her shes scared and nervous and shes hiding those emotions so just stick with the making out thing until shes ready.now shes in that age part where she just wants to be with you
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (29 May 2008):
 If you want this relationship to work ,
you have got to put her first .
If you want to be first, then you need to find another girl.
Love is about making the other person happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Hey, I can see why your frustrated but at the same time, I think you need to be sensitive to her about this matter. I have a feeling that she has probably been conditioned to believe that men are only interested in sex. She may also have reservations about having sex before marriage. Many a time adults tell their children they shouldn't have sex before they are married because it isn't the right thing to do. This in my mind creates a great amount of doubt and guilt in young people who are faced with the decision to have sex before their married or not. I struggled with it when I was young. I felt as if I was doing something wrong...it wasn't until I was 18 did I fell okay about having sex. It was really tough before that, I wanted to but I was scared. If you really love and cherish as you say you do, don't push it. Just ask her to let you know when she's ready and leave it at that. When she is certain she wants to-she will let you know. In the meantime you will just have use your imagination...and just think about how much better it will be if she wants it just as bad as you!
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A
female
reader, I'llTryToHelp +, writes (28 May 2008):
 This question has gotten allot of replies because of the subject matter but I'd like to add my 2 cents worth, also.
Here are your options: BEST OPTION - # 1
1. Back off and leave her alone. It's more than obvious she's just not ready to have sex yet and that should be her choice. That choice has nothing to do with how she feels about you (Female perspective here, so listen). She's just not emotionally ready yet. But the pressure you're putting on her is making her feel like she's wrong. Believe me, if you keep on about it, you're just reinforcing her belief that it's all you want from her even if it isn't. If you drop it, she'll relax and you'll both be happier. A relationship is so much more than sex. Enjoy being with her.
2. Break it off with her. There are consequences to this option. You would definitely prove that this is all you want from her and it will have long term effects in her future social life. Because she won't forget! But if sex is all you want, then by all means, move on. You'll be doing her a great favor.
3. Continue your pressure. She'll either break it off with you or she'll give in and then resent you for the rest of her life. Believe me, females don't forget anything.
GIVE her time to grow up! She'll know when the time is right for her and she should be able to make that decision without pressure from someone that professes to love her. If you do love her, then respect her wishes and back off.
NO MEANS NO!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Shes younger than you, in teen years three years is a lot. Your old enough to back off and realise what your doing, if you can't handle a 15yr old, then date a girl around your age and you shouldn't have such a problem as this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Hey guys... thanks for the advice its really helpful but I'm not worryed about her being under 16 I've done some research and in my state thers no problem as long as its no more then a 3 year difference. But I guess I'm just going to wait and if I get too impatent ill just have to do the noble thing. Hope u don't think I'm a bad guy because of this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): I don't blame her for yelling at you, it's probably a very daunting thought and she feels very much pressured. She's being so brave.
I know there are not many years between you, but it is a lot in terms of being ready for a sexual life.
If you wanted to have a sexual relationship you should have gone out with someone your own age.
Take into consideration that it is illegal. It would be terrible if you ended up in jail.
If you really want to be with her then you would wait... You would have to wait.
I don't think that you want to give her the bad experience of losing her virginity under great pressure.
If you want to make it work you will have to live with pleasing yourself for now.
Sorry for the harsh wording. I really am. And I hope it works out for you.
Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (28 May 2008):
 ok. uve got the advantage of knowing her thoughts. she has told u that she thinks u just want sex. u now know that this is what is stoppin her. coz it is. that the underline belief about it. now u cud leave her but she is an amazing person and if u wait and play ure cards right, when u do have sex its going to be fantastic. so u basicly just need to plant the suggestion. purposly get into a convorsation about it so that she has to explain to u what she feels. when u know how she feels and what she thinks. understand them. " actualy ure right im bien a durk, how about we just concentrate on making the time we spend together fun" completely cut of touching her in sexual places and give her time to forget about the fact u want to shag her. as u eliminate what she feels negitivly about and concentrate and focus on what she values and feels positivly about (at fifteen its having fun) she is going to natrualy develop a drive for sex rather than a forced one. and because ure making her feel so positive. shes going to want it to be with you! u may want to even rethink the way u kiss and makeout with her. make it more clean and innocent rather than sexy and passionate. when u want sex u kiss in a certain way that displays that. and al the girl can think about is " please dont try it on and spoil the moment" by changing the way u kiss she wont get that worry and she can as i said before develop a natrual want for sex!!!!! how is that for u
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Sex should never be forced. My first time was with a younger girl than me also, both virgins. We were going out for about a year and a half before going all the way.
Was I ready before her? Yes
Did I wait for her? Yes
Was it worth it? YES
Why? There's thing in life that's worth waiting for, if she feels as if she's not ready than she isn't. The more you talk to her about it, the more pressure she as and the less special those moments will become when they occur.
You love her, she loves you. It's worth the wait.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 It's all about timing, and yours is off schedule. You're ready, she is not. That simple.
In a few years, she might be ready, but she should never feel pressured into doing things she is not able to cope with because she is still young and underage (illegal!) and growing and maturing.
You sound like a good guy, actually, just frustrated by this, but you should back off asking her to talk about sex, and remember that handjobs and blowjobs to a young girl are still 'sex.'
So you're going to have to look deeply at yourself and decide whether you have the stamina to wait, without pressure for however long it takes for her to mature enough to feel ready (years!!!!!), or whether it might be best to let her go so that you can find someone who is ready now. It's up to you. All the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Hey!
I was in the same position as your girlfriend, exactly the same age as her (just turned 15 actually) and my bf was almost 20. He asked and asked for things, until i gave in to blowjobs and handjobs, and I would spend nights crying and feeling filthy and dirty and horrible. And that wasnt enough for him, he always wanted more. Luckily I moved away after only one really horrible incident but I wasnt strong enough to do waht your girlfriends doing. She has the guts and confidence to tell you no. You can either leave her without forcing her into anything and find someone your own age, or you can just drop it!
She knows what you want, and when she feels ready shell tell you. And the less pressure, the more likely she is to feel ready!
Hope this helps, sorry im taking her side in this! :-s, i was in the same posisiton!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): ok first of all shes 15 and thats underage anyway. if she wants 2 wait she proly has a good reason. and even if u r sexual u should wait 4 her until he is absolutely ready. and i know this prolly isnt wut u want 2 hear but this is wut i think u should do. no girl should ever have 2 have sex w/ u if they dont want !!
good luck 2u!!@-@
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): Well in my state its legal as long as there is no more then a age difference of 3 years I've already researched this and as I said I'm not wanting sex I just want to be more intamate
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 May 2008):
Have you thought that she might be yelling at you about this because she's terrified about it and yelling is the best way to make you back off?
Now first of all I'm going to put my disclaimer in here - she's 15 which in under the age of consent and illegal for you to have sex with. I'm not going to give you advice to help you commit what is, in the eyes of the law, child abuse.
I know your age gap doesn't sound big but when a child of 15 is involved then it is a huge gap. You aren't going to die if you don't have sex. In my opinion, if you really care about this girl (and it sounds like you actually do) then you'll wait till she is ready and approaches you about it. It may not be till she's 16, it may not be till you are engaged.
If you can't live without sex till then, do the honourable thing and leave her and find a woman your own age to sleep with. You may meet up with her in a few years time and it may work out great.
If you do break up with her, then be very careful that she doesn't feel she has to sleep with you to keep you. If you have made the decision to leave her because she wants to wait, then stick with that.
Good Luck!! xx
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