A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am 21 years old, and my gf is 15 years older than me, and she is married from last 17 years, having 2 daughters staying with her husband, her husband is like not good not even bad, we are from different countries so we are million miles away, we met 1 and 1/2 years ago when she came to Ireland, then we use to meet online regularly, and after 6 months she proposed me, and I was in deeply love with her too, so I accepted it, but there was no physical relation till then, but after 2 months of it, we got physically attracted and did some sexual stuff online, after we got physically attracted, she stopped having sex with her husband, and in last 1 year, she had sex with her husband only for 3 times and after she stopped having sex with him, her husband messed her up a lot, he started fighting on every little thing, and once from that little thing, they were abt to divorce, but her 13year old daughter was not happy with divorce, so she didn't got divorce, and she said she will never get divorce bcoz of girls, and now b4 2 days, she had sex with him, and I got very mad at her when she said that to me, I feel very jealous and insecure, she said she was imaging me in him as she was missing me very badly...but its killing me inside that how can she have sex with him when she is in love with me? she is not ready for divorce as her girls are not comfortable with it...and I can't live without her I don't know what to do? can u please give me any suggestion...
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for ur help...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): What to do? Try creating your own family, instead of helping to destroy someone else's...
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
If she was going to leave, she would have done a long time ago. You're in the position a lot of female mistresses find themselves in with married men. You provide the fun, her husband provides everything else. She will never leave her husband, and the best thing you can do is end it and move on. If she really wanted to get a divorce, she would do it.
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A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 I'm sorry but this is a very common situation. The truth is, if she wanted to end it with her husband she would have already done it. The fact that she hasn't means she won't. The is going to stay married. Whether it's for her children or whatever other reason, it doesn't matter.
You have 2 choices:
1. Tell her you cannot be the second guy anymore. Tell her if she doesn't want to end things with her husband then you are going to have to end things permanently and move on without her. But you have to be willing to follow through with that threat.
2. Live your life as the second guy forever. See her only occasionally, but otherwise sit at home and wonder if she's having sex with her husband instead of you. It doesn't matter who she is thinking of... she's having sex with him. But if you aren't willing to end it then you will just be her "part time" man.
I suggest you end it with her completely. I know it's easier said than done.... but in my experience if she hasn't already divorced then she won't.
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