A
female
age
41-50,
*orceedea
writes:We got engaged on March and decided the date of our wedding to be March 19, 2011. I heard it's best to start planning 1 yr ahead and so that's what i started to do with my mother's help. However, he always seemed to get upset about it saying I am going way too crazy, that i need to relax and take it easy, etc. I get upset about how easy he is taking it and how anxious i am to have things done. March is 6 months away now and we've got nothing ready. I still haven't paid off my dress, and we don't have the place. Nothing! It's so upsetting to me that i ended up telling him to change the date. He agreed but also says he wants to get married asap cause he wants to do all the decorations himself at the place we have in mind but he wants me to take it easy the way he is taking it easy. I don't understand. Is he taking it seriously? Am i overreacting? Or is he just toying with me? I honestly don't get it and it makes me upset. Any ideas? I'll appreciate it thanks!
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female
reader, sorceedea +, writes (31 August 2010):
sorceedea is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for your answers guys. I guess my family (mother) makes me depressed and stressed out cause like I said, it's 6 months away and she's always saying we need more time to plan it and he's not taking it seriously and that it's never gonna happen. Not to mention that other people have said the same thing. I need maximum 12 months to plan a wedding. But he says that I should trust him relax cause it will get done. I've been relaxed lately so idk what else to say except that we've got an idea of what we want. The place we chose already but have not put the deposit down for it. Decorations we already know how it's gonna be done and where to get them, and food, we know what we are getting etc. So I guess we already have about all the important stuff. We just need to pay for it. Anyway, once again, thanks to everyone. I just needed to hear other people's opinion.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
This really is why men just give up with planning the marriage in the end. It just becomes too stressful, so they let the woman take most of it on.
First of all, yes he cares! It's clear beyond a doubt that he cares! And yes he's taking it seriously. You said yourself he wants to do it ASAP because he wants to do the decorations. You have a guy who's actually still interested in putting something into the wedding other than just turn up. Most men would have called it a day and let you do it all by now.
To put in perspective, I had a friend who married last year. His fiancé (now wife) was as sweet as sugar. Then they started planning the wedding and she turned into a fire breathing dragon, along with her mother. If the poor guy suggested something, she and her mother would say no. If he didn't suggest something, then he 'wasn't interested'. When the dress came, it was the wrong one and she had a go at him. When they finally chose the place, she changed her mind and blamed him for not supporting her. And if she wasn't doing it, her own mother was. I was even sat in a bar with him one evening and his fiancé called and had a go, then her mother did the same thing! He was just tired of her being so stressed.
You are taking it too seriously, and your boyfriend is telling you that you need to be calmer. If you don't calm down, he will switch off and leave you to it. Okay, you still haven't paid your dress off. You will. Okay, you've not got the place yet. You will. And if all else fails, you still have 6 months! That's plenty of time! Don't be the fiancé he will remember as being stressed and desperate for marriage. Be the fiancé he can look at and say he's proud to be marrying you. At the moment, you're so stressed that he may well just switch off in the end and leave you to it. As it is, he's still wanting to do this and be involved. Calm down! And best wishes as well.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (31 August 2010):
 It is a real struggle for men to care about planning for these things in the same way that you do. That is why traditionally all the groom is required to do is buy a ring and show up early at the Church. Yes he should try to be supportive but imagine he was planning 6 months ahead for a shooting and fly fishing tour of Alaska with his buddies, how excited would you be about what kind of rods they should be taking or what sort of rifle would be best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): I believe you are over freaking about the whole wedding planning thing.
He does have point. STOP STRESSING OVER IT! Your wedding is suppose to be the most beautiful, happy day. 6 months of stressing over it is just going to put alot of unnecessary stress on your relationship. It is 6 months away and you are freaking over an unpaid dress and a place you don't have. I actually know close friends and family that didn't get their dresses till like 3 months. Your wedding is still half a year away! Just breath and think calmly of places. He doesn't want you to be stressed out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2010): Look he wanted a stress free fun looking forward to it happy plans where uve taken the bull by the horns route and planned to make a year of ur life a massive stress, it's not how he imagined to be planning his wedding.
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