A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've hurt my girlfriend really, really badly and she has given me the silent treatment ever since (2 months now). The first 3 weeks she was extremely angry and now she is depressed and avoiding me. I know she doesn't want to end this but she doesn't want anything to do with me either. I've tried to fix things but I just pushed her further away. She never tells me what she needs from me, just expects me to know what's wrong. I guess she needs space and that's what I'm giving her. Maybe she is just keeping me around because she doesn't want to be alone.I don't understand the point of suffering for months instead of communicating. Bipolar? BPD? I really love her but this is just incredibly difficult for me. Leaving her is not an option but I really want to understand her better.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 The silent treatment is never better than some good old fashioned communication.
If it has been two months since she even spoke you need to consider this relationship is not going anywhere fast.
It sounds as if you have done all you can for the moment, apart from seeking counselling, which could help you develop strategies to deal with the situation.
If you prefer not to consider counselling, and leaving her is not an option, you need to decide how long you are prepared to accept this for, in other words how long are you going to be in a relationship that is no relationship and with no communication? One month, two months, 6 months, a year maybe, or perhaps you are prepared to give it two years or even five years.
What are you going to be doing while you are waiting? Sit around twiddling your thumbs or start getting on with your life, or just sit in the vacuum she has placed you in and accept whatever?
I cant help you understand her, we don't know what you did that was so dreadful, we don't even know if this is simply a retreat on her part or if she wants nothing to do with you ever again. Personally I would take two months of no contact as a sign the relationship is just like the dodo, dead!
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (24 November 2012):
 If she won't talk to you, you can't guess what is going on and even trying is pointless. Let her be.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 November 2012):
 do you two live together?
if so I'd see if you had a friend or family member you could stay with for a bit. And then don't call her. This will force her to contact you at which point you can tell her that if she's willing to talk to you about what's wrong you would be happy to do so.
If you don't live together, then I assume you are the one contacting her... if so STOP. Let her come to you and again you can tell her she has to talk to you about the problems or else you will have to end it.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 November 2012):
 This reminds me of a sage bit of advice that my Dad gave to me:
"When a woman isn't speaking to you, DON'T INTERRUPT HER!!!!"
He was a VERY sage man.....
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A
female
reader, oldbag  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 hi
Well you are remarkably patient and must love her very much, 2 months is an excessive time for 'silent treatment',leaving you in limbo.I don't know what you did wrong but it sure must have upset her,really hurt her.
The ONLY way to solve any problem is to communicate, to try and resolve the deadlock. If she is insisting on the silent treatment then you will have to find another way. Try an email or letter.Explain how sorry you are, how you want to build bridges and need to see her to sort it out once and for all.Tell her you love her.
If leaving her is not an option for you then prepare yourself for what could be a very long wait.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 November 2012):
 When a relationship becomes unhealthy you would only do her and yourself an injustice by insisting that it must go on. You didn't say what exactly you did. When you said really really bad I am thinking of something like abuse, cheating or stealing. Or it could be something like she's too sensitive, you were always arguing and you said some soul destroying things you regretted later. Either way the relationship had become too much work and communication was impossible. You don't need her approval for a break up. In dating I would not accept silent treatment or breaks. There is no reason why two people can't sit down and go through issues together. When two people can't talk then it means they are not right for each other. The silent treatment can be easier on the heart. Out of sight, out of mind. She is not keeping you around. The silent treatment can be a cowardly way of breaking up but it is sometimes how people break up. You might want to get back together because you want to make things good again and to prove that you can be a good guy. Right now she doesn't know if she could trust you again. People can make mistakes in relationships. If it takes that long to forgive and forget it is time to end it, to reflect and promise yourself not to make the same mistake again with a new person.
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