A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hey guys i have been dating this girl for a year and everything seems fine and she is pregnant with the soo called rape child she doesnt allow me to kiss or touch her ,i feel like i dont exist even though we stay together and share the same bed but she expect me to do everything for her ,my problem is she only wanted to stay with me after she found out that she was pregnant cause before the pregnancy she told me she want to stay with her family and they wouldnt approve of her staying with a guy before marriege ,what has changed Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2014): I believe this is your first post:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-have-a-feeling-that-she-is-using.html
@CindiCares
You might want to read the first post.
Perhaps the OP thinks rephrasing the question will get different answers for the same problem. I'm not sure.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Any woman who wasn't very interested in you until she got pregnant, is probably using you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 What has changed is , that she got pregnant.
Probably she does not want to embarass her family. If her parents did not approve of her staying at a guy's before being married, chances are they would approve even less of a pregnant unwed mother who lives with them on her own, and no partner.
Why do you call this a so-called rape child ?
Why do you say that ? What makes you think that she did not get raped?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): I assume this is a follow up from your question yesterday where your GF goes away and comes back fat and she claims in your words to have been raped and pregnant. Also no mention whether she has reported this matter to the police and whether she is getting any counselling.
Looking at her behaviour pattern, I think you are being used and she is not into you. Sounds harsh but it appears that she never was really interested in you and you know this or you would not be asking us to confirm your suspicion.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 I don't blame her one bit...you obviously don't believe her that she was raped so why would she want to be intimate with you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Yes. Please answer Sageoldguys question. Why is this a "so-called rape child"?
I get the impression that she's been raped but somehow you think it was her fault so that it wasn't actually rape ...
If this is ths case, I'm not surprised she doesn't want you to touch her sexually
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 That's not a very respectful way to describe how she became pregnant.
Date rape is a betrayal and a brutal horrible experience. She is possibly still trying to recover from the trauma of the rape.
If you refuse to accept the reality of what was a date rape for her then your lack of empathy would be very distressing for her.
Pregnancy is a tiring experience for the woman. Why is your attitude so callous and uncaring towards her?
She will be Very tired in the first 3 months after the birth. What support are you willing to provide now and after the birth? For her and the baby?
Right now you can help her with back-rubs not sex.
You can help prepare a meal and allow her to put her feet up for a rest.
you can ask who she would like present to give her additional support around the time of the birth: her mother, her sister, your mother ? Because in the first 3 months after the birth some help with laundry and allowing her to have a rest after breast feeding would help her to regain her strength.
A baby is hard work. But that's life. A baby also brings joy. In 18 years time you will realize that all the hard work was worth it.
you seem resentful about what is happening. You were happy to date her and everything seemed fine.
A baby causes big hormonal changes in a woman that she has no control over. It is a big change for a woman. I do hope that she is getting regular check ups with the Doctor?
You can help too by learning the right ways to support a woman when she is pregnant. Her breasts will be more tender. She may have suffered morning sickness. Her back no doubt hurts. And the wave of tiredness that exists would be constant. She needs her rest. She certainly does not need to be stressed.
I am sure that she would really appreciate your kindness, your empathy and your emotional support. A new baby is a huge change, something to really look forward to very soon.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 First & foremost, do you know whose child she is carrying, is it actually your child & if it is, then why do you or she refer to this innocent/unborn baby, as a "rape child"??
If two people love eachother, live together, sleep together, then there is a huge problem here.
You both have much serious talking to do, it sounds very unhealthy whichever way you choose to look @ it.
You need to talk in a calm, respectful & peaceful manner, because your gf (i assume), is pregnant & does not need any added stress to contend with.
You are both doing the wrong things for the wrong reasons, from all i have read regarding you both.
You need to ask yourself this question before even approaching her.
Do i truly love & respect this woman??
If you do, then work it out & be kind, considerate either way.
If not, well, you know what you will need to do & the quicker, the better.
You are both adults, so behave maturely. You will both become parents soon, so this is the time to grow up & be responsible about everything, if not for yourselves, then for the sake of your unborn child, who will eventually be completely dependant upon you both, as a vulnerable & innocent newborn baby.
Think about it. :-)
All the best!
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (5 August 2014):
 "Rape child"? Are you - or are you NOT - the father of this child? Two widely-differing "replies" depending upon that answer.....
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