A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:About a week ago I went out with a girl that I dated and was intimate with for 5 months a year ago. We drifted apart as she moved to another state but remained in contact during that year apart, texting and calling on and off. She's now moved back.During this date last week she pretty much texted and called and typed on her laptop the whole time. Granted, she was working as she manages her own real estate company, and it was a Monday afternoon (she moved it to earlier that day as opposed to the evening because a meeting came up), but needless to say, it was a pretty miserable experience for me. Any potential conversation I would start would be interrupted by a text or call every 5-10 minutes. I gave her a kiss goodbye but she kept her lips closed so I didn't push for more. However she invited me to go the movies that weekend and promised she wouldn't take her laptop.That weekend arrived and she said she was feeling sick. And during subsequent days she's been very evasive, hardly texting and not taking or returning my calls. She claims she was working or sleeping. But it's weird because just one week prior to seeing her she invited me to go to a wedding with her. I accepted.So now I'm at an impasse. Part of me wants to end whatever this is, cut her out of my life. She was rude at the date and it seems like she's ghosting me little by little. Part of me wants to still give her a chance to initiate contact with me again as we really did fall in love all those months ago. We'd talk every day and said I love you several times too. I think she also still has feelings for me as why would she keep contacting me otherwise during that year apart? She hasn't uninvited me to the wedding either.Despite everything I think I'm still in love with her. I keep thinking about all the great times we had. But I also think that it's all in the past and that things will never be the same. I'm confused and in real emotional turmoil. Especially with this wedding coming up next weekend.As it stands, she sent me a funny video two days ago, I replied back asking how she was, she replied that she was going to sleep soon, so I called, and she didn't answer. She hasn't replied or called since. What should I do? Thank you for any advice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2019): I actually think you've misread the signals with this girl completely.
I think she moved the 'date' to an earlier time in the day and sat there on her laptop to send a CLEAR signal that all you will ever be to her is a friend. Granted she should have the guts to tell you outright but since your communication skills seem to be extremely poor she chose to try actions rather than words.
You don't seem to be able to get it in writing either going off these responses, you still hold out hope that she will contact.
If you want to sit around waiting for something that will never happen then so be it. Just don't come on here in a weeks time after the 'wedding date' doesn't happen and asking for further advice on what to do ;-)
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (31 August 2019):
 I'd block her and move on to someone else.
It's OK to be REALLY into your work, but to bring a laptop on a date and be on phone and laptop while "sorta" having a date it's just not OK.
And then he cancelled the movie date with her being "sick"...
Stop wasting your time on this one. Find someone who WANTS to spend time with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2019): Your 2nd post seems to imply you're still waiting. I don't think you're fully absorbing our advice.
You don't owe her anything. If your plan is to give her a piece of your mind, she doesn't care. The mere fact you'll respond when she calls tells her she's leading you around by the nose. Think with your head, not your penis!
Block the calls and ghost her. If you don't, you'll be following her around like a sap; and she'll play you like a cheap fiddle.
I do suggest that you read the posts from all the uncles and aunts once more. Maybe you didn't get the point the first-time. You're a little smitten.
The sex must have clouded your mind a little.
Snap-out-of-it, my friend!!!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 August 2019):
 I asked the question to be sure you had a plan for the possibility. I also don't think she is going to call.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for your advice so far. I've decided to not contact her again unless she contacts me. And if she does I'm going to be clear with how I feel.
So far she still hasn't contacted me by Facebook, Whatsapp, or Instagram, so I'm pretty sure it's over and I feel so stupid for not saying anything when she was treating me so poorly during our "date."
The wedding is on the first weekend of September, so there's still time for her to say something, but I'm not going to hold my breath.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (30 August 2019):
what day is the wedding thing?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2019): End it! You'll become either a perpetual plus-one; or the on-call chaperone when her social-calendar dries-up, and she has nothing better to do.
How nonchalant and indifferent does a woman have to be to come across as not into you? Get a clue, my friend! When someone ignores your calls and cancels dates; yet out of the blue they finally contact you. That only means they've decided they might have a use for you. The deal is, "don't call me, I'll call you!" Perhaps you're worth a free dinner at a nice restaurant; or you'll come-in handy if nobody remembers her birthday.
She was on her laptop during your date??? Seriously?!!!
She's simply not that into you. Let her find somebody else to pose as her boyfriend at the wedding. Don't allow yourself to be a sucker; and then feel concerned and confused when it happens.
Ease your way out of this, no need to be rude. Never burn bridges, just learn when it's best not to cross them again.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (29 August 2019):
 I think it would be best to start distancing yourself from this woman and not hold out hopes for something romantic. She's acting very wishy washy and her behavior during your "date" was downright rude. You don't act that way towards someone that you truly care about. Sorry to hurt you OP but it sounds like she either doesn't have the courage to flat out tell you shes not interested in pursuing a relationship or she's keeping you on the back burner. I'm sure you can do better. I would not contact her unless she contacts you. I wouldn't sit around and wait for her that's for sure.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 August 2019):
 I would back off . She does not sound interested and the way she acts does not bode well for the future .
As a matter of fact, I am not even sure I'd call what you had a " date " ! Basically, she was working- and she let you stay there while she was working, that's all. Peck on the lips, convenient bout of sickness on the weekend, further communications not totally abolished but kept to a bare- bone minimum, - I think she is ostensibly friend-zoning you / trying to let you down easy without hurting your feelings too much.
But then why did she keep in touch , why did she invite you to a wedding ? I don't know, OP. Maybe she really needed a plus one :), it's not easy to find a guy willing to dress up nice and bore himself to tears on a weekend day… Maybe she is a girl who thrives on being chased and courted, maybe she is keeping you as an option or plan B while she is waiting to see how things pan out with some other guy, maybe she is genuinely fond of you , only not in " that way " anymore and is doing a balancing act to not lose you as a dear friend while not giving you hope and encouragement… Whatever it is, it stands to reason that if she were a smidgeon more into you, she would show it , knowing that you are game.
I think you can wait until the wedding date to decide on a line of conduct. If the wedding invitation is not mentioned anymore, or gets cancelled last minute- well, you MUST cut her off , being in love should not mean wearing a sign with " kick me " on .
If she DOES confirm the invitation ( frankly, I doubt she will ) , although like I said that could be an opportunistic move on her part, at least it will give you the chance to spend the day with her and see how she acts with you, how much she actually engages with you, how much attention she pays to you etc. etc. Plus, if you get the chance, you might have the time to talk to her frankly, why not ? I mean, I get it might be awkward and you fear rejection, then again 30 to 35 you are a man, not a boy, you know what you want and you don't like to play games ( hopefully). You can TELL her that, in view of what happened between you in the past, you had hoped you could reconnect, what would she feel about it ?. TBH, as I said, I think she is not keen, then again… if you don't want to be kept guessing , then simply DON'T be kept guessing. Ask, and accept the answer like a good sport.
But, until then- i-e. IF she contacts you for going to the wedding- just back off, she hinted heavily she feels you are crowding her.
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