A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A couple of years ago I met this gal who was 24 yrs.old (I'm 47) I was working for a band, and she walked right up to me and licked my face. Normally when women are that forward I am turned off, but for some reason this totally blew me away. She gave me her phone number and I called her the next day. Our relationship moved very fast after that. She had just given birth to a son a few months before I met her. She had two other kids from different dads and wasn't married to any of them. I don't know if I fell for her or the kids but I asked her to move in with me. All my friends said I was having a mid-life "fling" because they all thought she was wrong for me. I admit, she was loud, sometimes obnoxious, hot-headed, argumentative, and immature at times. We had many battles over the next two years, over money, and the amount of alcohol she sometimes drank, but I loved her more than anything, and I adored the kids, whom I felt were mine, especially the baby because he had no recollection of his dad anyhow. I felt like I was good for her because when we met, she was on welfare, and living a destructive life. I gave her a home, and a sense of "family", helped her reconnect with her own father and helped her with a school loan so she could earn a degree. I co-signed for her new car, I even encouraged her to pursue her passion of art. Yet she was always accusing me of only using her for sex because I was very attracted to her and enjoyed having her in my bed every night. She started badgering me to marry her and it became a constant battle. I'd been married twice before and was afraid to do that again, but finally I agreed. I thought eventually she'd outgrow some of her immaturity, and grow into a wonderful mate. But I was wrong! Her temper only got worse. She was bossy and demanding, she would yell at the kids, and scream at me. When I tried to get her to stop drinking she became violent. Twice she called the cops on me when she was having a meltdown. Once she hit me in the face, and I hit her back but with less force. That's the third time she called the cops. They hauled me away and while I was in jail, trying to figure out how I'd gotten myself into this mess, she moved out of our house and took all the brand new furniture I'd bought for our future together; the washer, the dryer, the freezer, the couches, everything! She stole about $500 cash from me, hocked the $2000.00 engagement ring I had given her, along with other personal items my parents had given me, which could not be replaced. I came home to an empty house and felt so much pain and sadness I thought about ending my life. But I didn't. Still I longed to have my family back and the woman I loved. She had a restraining charge against me, mainly so I couldn't come and take back my furniture and the other things she had taken, and she tried to bring other charges against me, which later all got thrown out as a big farce, but I had to spend a fortune to prove my innocence and it almost cost me my career as well. During this time, I called her almost daily and begged her to come home. She finally moved to another state and the only time I hear from her is when she wants money for her car loan, which I co-signed so I am legally obligated and don't want my credit be further ruined. The problem is, I'd take her back in a second. My friends and family think I'm crazy. Why can't I let her go? She got in so deep that even though I knew she was destructive (I think she may have had some kind of mental disorder) I can't get over her. I know if she'd just give us a chance, we could be happy again. I could help her, I just know it. But now she says she's met someone else and is in love(only 2 months after she moved away) while I still wander through the empty rooms of my house and I miss the kids so much I can hardly stand to get out of bed in the mornings. What can I do to get her back? Please, please help me get my family back.
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immature, in jail, money, moved out, violent Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dr. Surgel  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 Dear Nice ManUnfortunately this girl does have a mental illness, probably bi-polar or borderline personality or both and I would say that they previous 3 fathers have had the same relationship with her that you have had, and that this next guy is in for more of the same, and you are probably actually very lucky that she never became pregnant to you, because then you would be tied to her forever.Initiate proceedings against her to get your property back, but don't let her back into your life.Unfortunately, that means you'll have to let the kids go too.I know that is going to really hurt you, and them, as she is probably unfit for them, as she is unfit for you.Best,Dr. Surgel
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (28 June 2007):
 Your heart is a big heart I can tell...and I know you mean well with it...however, I feel as though you were with her because you wanted to "help" her in everyway you could, and really, if you REALLY buckle down to it, probably was not IN LOVE with her, you miss her to help her and yea..maybe the sex was great. Kids are wonderful, joyful and can bring so much light in a dark room...how easy to love such precious little one's. I don't want to bash her or anything, however, there were signs from the get-go that should have told you "something". You are older and should be wiser to have seen some of the signs as well as listening to your friends. Sometimes we do not see what others see because we are to caught up in a person. Sometimes our heart can get in the way of seeing or feeling what we really should. She has gone off and met someone else...let it be. Heal your wounds as best as you can and move on. Get your life back together and even if that means starting over from the beginning with everything so be it. As far as the car, I would start the divorce process because she has and she needs to pay for it herself. Let that be in the settlement. If you can get some of the sentimental things back please do try as I know these type of things cannot be replaced. There are many great lawyers out there and I would be working as fast as I can to get the divorce final because as much as I hate to say it....she used you. You deserve so much better then that because I can tell by your writing that you are a very feeling, loving and compassionate man who so deserves the same in return...and not to be used for the goodness in your heart.
Just remember...NO MORE LICKERS!!! The RIGHT woman will eventually come along. One who will share the same heart as you. God Bless and Good Luck!! :)
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