A
female
age
36-40,
*elly551
writes:I feel so stupid. I am dating someone, and have been with him for a year now. But things are different. He used to tell me that I am beautiful, that he knows I'm meant for him....that the sex was good, etc. But now he doesnt do those things. We work and live together, so I am almost always with him....so I know he isnt physically cheating on me (yet). But I walked into his office today and saw him looking at a CD of pictures of an ex girlfriend. More like an ex F***buddy. I got really upset. And this isnt the first incident. I have caught him text messaging ex girlfriends. And another thing that bothers me is that sometimes during sex, he starts talking about other women. Not women that are out of reach, but women that we are in constant contact with; that we have to work with everyday. He says I'm being too sensitive. Am I? Is this my problem? Because I constantly feel inadequate....but he's telling me that I am blowing things out of proportion, and that other women wouldnt be getting so upset. Please help. I dont know what to do, or how to feel.Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2007): No, you aren't being too sensitive, but you are filled with false expectations about what a man is. You seem to think he is doing something inherently wrong by looking at other women. But he is not. He IS a man and looking at women is what men do. Women often judge men as if they were women or as if a man has obligations to behave like women once they are in a relationship. Having a man in a woman's domestic situation is a privilege for women - not a right. It is a privilege that requires lifelong diligence and commitment by the woman if she wants to reap the rewards of his presence. The sooner you see it that way and start respecting your man AS a man, the sooner he will start looking at you again.A man makes an unspoken promise to be sexually faithful when he enters into a relationship with a woman so unless he is actually having sex with another woman then you have no right to be concerned. Most men think of killing or raping at some point in their lives but that doesn't make most men killers or rapists. Stop convicting him of something he hasn't done. You kill his love for you a little more each day when you do that. If it bothers you that he's looking at other women, then look at the reasons why he's NOT looking at YOU and ask yourself why is he not? Men look at other women when their needs are not being met by the woman they're with. It completely natural. So if you want to keep him, then rather than blame him for doing what comes naturally, look at what you can improve in yourself. If you want his exclusive interest for life then you will need to earn it every day for the rest of your life. You expect it of him, so set the same standard for yourself.Become more educated, become fitter, healthier, tougher, more resilient, get a life of your own and stop the fantasy that a man who chooses to be with you is automatically yours and yours alone in every last tiny little way for the rest of your life. Stop killing his love a little bit every day just for being a man. If you don't, you'll wake up one day and he'll be gone. then it'll be too late for anything at all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): I think your not being sensitive at all, tell him to be honest and ask him if he still has feelings for his ex? then tell him talkin bout other women during sex its really gettin to you, if this carrys on it wil get even worse so sort it out and if he wont listen then leave .. sorry love but i am sure you do not need this in your life at all and you could probably be much happier knowing the truth so tell him to do so.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 He talks about other women during sex with you and he thinks they would not be getting upset, what planet is he on i'm sorry but this man is an absolute arsehole.
I can assure you me and just about every other women out there would be feeling exactly the same as you are now.
It most definatly is not your problem and you are not blowing things out of proportion.
If this so called man can not give you the respect you deserve then get rid of him because he is so not worth your love and attention.
If i were you i would move on to bigger and better things and leave this sorry excuse for a man, you will find someone a million times better than him that will give you the respect that you deserve.
I apologise for my use of language.
Take care.xx.
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