A
male
age
41-50,
*immy1
writes:I had been going out with my girlfriend for 10 months. I am 26 and she has just turned 22. She had been on a university placement in a nearby country for most of this time and we made a point of seeing each other every 2-3 weeks. In addition, we communicated at least once a day using an internet face-to-face webcam facility. The relationship has always been very close and the time we spent together was perfect in almost every way. Sure, we had little 'tiffs,' but these were resolved as quickly as they started. We frequently told each other of our love and enjoyed talking about the future together. I went out to see her for a fortnight a few weeks ago, and when we parted company we both knew that we had to concentrate on our exams, and that it would be a few weeks before we could see each other again. When we finally saw each other after the exams, I felt that something was different with her, and she explained that although she still loved me, the relationship was different. She has almost constantly been in some relationship or other since she was 14, and the lack of space may have been a contributing factor. I explained that the change of heart may have been caused by the stress of exams and the 4-5 weeks that we didn't get to see each other. I also maintained that what we had was surely worth fighting for, because we were so good together before. We have planned to go travelling together for 2 months this Summer, but at the moment she just wants to be friends. We are still going travelling together on this basis. She has reassured me sufficiently that there are no external factors involved, like meeting someone else for example. I have said a couple of times that if this was the case, I obviously wouldn't like it, but would move aside. I believe that if I give her some space now, she will probably figure out for herself what she is missing, and that the numerous walks on some tropical beach will undoubtedly sort the situation out to restore our relationship, so long as I just be myself and am not overly pushy. Am I right in thinking this based upon what I have said? Or am I just wasting my time?!
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female
reader, LauraE +, writes (13 June 2007):
This is a tricky one. I would worry about spending 2 whole months away and alone with her, when your intentions are so different from hers. It will be very painful for you if she doesn’t respond in the way you hope, and it would ruin the trip. I wonder if she is sure what she wants in all this. She must know if she’s honest, that you are bound to try for something more in such a romantic setting. I once agreed to remain ‘friends’ with a man that I knew still loved me. I knew what his hopes were, but fooled myself that he would get over it and we could be the good mates that I wanted. And if I am brutally honest, it was secretly flattering to me to be wanted so much and not have to give anything back. Almost always, when someone wants to ‘cool off for a bit’, it is curtains for the relationship. Maybe not immediately, because she likes you a lot, and doesn’t want to let go. Many young women are constantly in relationships from their teens, and maybe she’s regretting that now. But if she really loved you she would want to be with you as more than just friends. If you go on the trip, it’s a mighty big risk. If you go, tell yourself that nothing is going to come of it. You won’t listen to yourself of course, but you can only try. Good luck.
A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 I am going to sound really mean here, but who is paying for this 2 months on a tropical beach? If it is you then I would say she MAY be using you. Why not stay friends if it gets you a 2 month free vacation? If you both are paying for the trip then there may be hope.
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A
female
reader, xSarax +, writes (13 June 2007):
 I think that yo are answering your own questions here. You've made the right move by asking her whether she's met somebody else because that was the first thing that sprung to my mind. When you're away with her ask her what she meant when she said "the relationship was different". Discuss some of the issues you had ans the real reason wh yyou broke up. Its not your fault shes been a 'chain dater', but at the end of the day its you she's ended up with. Love is really worth fighting for, im young but i've learnt that. Its usually 18- mid 20 year old men that want to have a laugh with no ties. Because your ex hasn't had that sense of freedom shes probably just feeling a bit curious about it. They'll be no doubt that she probably still does love you, but sorry to say this I think that she doesnt know whether she's still happy with you. You're right to give her some space but don't give her too much or she may move on. Which would be a shame on both parts. All I can say is to still keep in touch now and again and then discuss your relationship when you are away togther. Don't give up on her, I hope you sort it out. Best of luck.
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