A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've had a crush on one of my best friends brother and he also had a crush on me for the last year. About a month ago we slept togheter, and he told me he had fallen in love with me. Both of us carry a lot of hurt for different reseans due to previous relationships, but decided to give it a shot and concentrate on the now. At the time I had a boyfriend and he told me he wouldn't be able to trust me until I made a choice, I ended the other relationship. Now it seems that he is avoiding me, like he doesn't know how to be with me. We also do not know how to respond to each other when his family is around, as we know his sister has a probrlem with us. She's scared that one or both of us will get hurt.How do I tell him, that I want to spend more time with him, and how do I find out if he wants to give this thing a try.
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female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (13 June 2007):
 Talk to him. Explain how you feel and ask how he feels. If there is a lot of hurt between you then maybe you both need time to work through that, but that doesnt mean you cant be together.
Don't worry about the guys sister. You cant blame her for being a little concerned about the hurt involved. In time she may come round to the relationship. If she doesn't is it worth you not being with this guy?
Good Luck!
xxxxxxx
A
male
reader, Hurkle  +, writes (13 June 2007):
You ask two questions, but it seems that there is a bigger issue in the background. As to your questions, the only way to tell someone is to - well - tell them. And the only way to find out things is to ask.
I suggest making a private time for the two of you, even if it's a walk around the block, and simply reminding him about his statement about how he couldn't trust you until you made a choice. Let him know again that you have made your choice, and tell him it is time to make his.
However, you must be prepared for him to back off or even break up with you completely. Many times people say things to other people in order to get them to do something for them - like telling someone they love them in order to get them into bed. These people are users, but they are very believable at the time.
His responses, both verbal and non-verbal (i.e. eyes, body language) will tell you what you need to know, even though it may be something you don't want to hear.
And finally, you are facing the problem that no matter what, he must see you to some degree as a cheater, seeing as how you slept with him while you had a boyfriend. No matter how relaxed a person he is, he will always carry a little doubt about whether you will do that to him someday. This will need to be discussed if you two are going to be together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2007): Hi love,
I always find that when you cant speak to the one you want as there are so many problems in the way, and you seem to have so much on your mind to say to this man of yours is to write it all down so he can read and take in what you want him to hear in his own time. And this is private to the both of you then you could arrange a meeting in the letter to talk about both of your feelings as you say you have been both hurt in the past.
Dont keep your best friend in the dark i no its hard love but she is the one that has probably been there for you tons of times as you have for her.
You finished with your boyfriend to be with this man you say sweetheart that he is avoiding you, he may and i say may be thinking if you could finish with your boyfriend so quickly even though it was for him you may be able to do this with him. (Not at all that i think you are) its just a possability as he has been hurt that this may be going through his mind. There is so much that i feel you want to say and i hope i helped a little good luck with everything
much love and take care of you xxxx
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