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anonymous
writes:I have a friend who has cancelled our last two coffee appointments, either at the last minute or when she arrived at the cafe. I was angry with her the first time and angry with myself the second time. I believe in the sentiment behind the motto "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."She wants to meet for coffee again. What's the most powerful and loving way to handle the situation? What's the most positive and mutually beneficial way to feel and act? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guysI've decided to take control of my experience of life and move on to pastures new.Time to get more from life!Enjoy yourselves.A
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (16 November 2007):
 Do not make any plans with her. She is using you as her Emotional Cookie Man, for the sake of the attention you give her. Do not give her attention until she PROVES she has earned it.
No coffee dates.
And make her see you be with other women. She sounds too attention-hungry, and will only want to be with you IF she thinks other women are giving you attention.
-Frank B Kermit
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female
reader, BreeBree  +, writes (15 November 2007):
I would say just be honest. Say, "I really wanted to have coffee with you, but I was really disappointed and kind of embarassed when it cancelled the last two times" And then I guess just saying, "I'm sorry, but I don't feel safe knowing that you will not show up and be there and I don't want to go through that again."She did cancel, so that says something for her. She didn't just actually stand you up. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I was really interested in the principle of the situation - I don't think the details of the relationship are relevant. If she were my wife I don't feel I "should" be any more or less tolerant of her inappropriate behaviour than if she were a casual acquaintance.Anyway, as it happens she is the ex-girlfriend I referred to in last week's post called something like "She always says I want what I can't have. What does she mean?" So I think she knows I'd love to see her and I think she's enjoying the power. I've basically said don't worry about it but I'd like to see you when you have the time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2007): We need more info. Is she just a friend? Do you want to be more than friends, or do you not even wish to meet her? Why did she cancel the last 2 appts.? Just tell her you'll let her know when a good time is for you, then never mention it again. Unless you want to meet her and in that case tell her if she stands you up again, you won't be making time with her anymore.
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