A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My best friend and I live together right now and I am planning on buying a house and having him rent from me there too. We are incredibly close and are basically never apart unless we work different shifts. We work at the same restaraunt and everything. The problem is that he wants the relationship to be more than friends and I am just not sure how I feel about that. Our personalities click so well and we never fight with each other, even when our patience runs short, we just seem to get over it and get on with it. We have had sex many times before and for some reason have even talked about having kids together. With his personality and how well we get along and how much we both totally want the same things, he'd seem like the dream guy for me...The problem is that I just can't bring myself to find him attractive. Yes, we've had sex many times, but it was more because I was very much in the mood and not so much because I was attracted to him. And a little alcohol in the mix just adds to it, of course.Some of the time I even find him embarassing. I know it's horrible to say, but I can't help it. I cringe at some of the things he does in public, literally embarrassed for him. Then I wonder how I could ever be with someone I found embarrassing like that.We are so perfect for each other, I sometimes wonder if I'll ever find anyone who even compares. Granted, I don't need to look over and see Brad Pitt or anything, but I don't consider myself to be a bad looking girl and he just does not take care of himself at all.Right now we act like a married couple and give each other little pecks on the lips all the time and spend all of our time together. I just can't go on saying we're just friends and behaving this way. Something has got to change and I don't know what to do. His personality is like the man of my dreams, but the physical side of things is just not there. Things between us definitely need to change, but what should I do? Has anyone else ever been through anything like this? Is there really even a chance at a relationship here? If not, how do I tell him? Any advice is appreciated. Thanks so much for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2010): if you're not feeling the chemistry, don't act like you are. don't lead him on, and don't get into a complicated living arrangment like you're considering. don't kiss him, don't have sex with him just cause you're too lazy to actually pick up someone you are attracted to, oh there's bob he's done it before I can use him again to get off on--buy a vibrator! I think it's sad cause he probably thinks you care. Why don't you scale back on your friendship and see how much you miss it, and see if that outweighs your judgment of his appearance.
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