A
male
age
30-35,
*ustfriends
writes:I need to move on and fast because I love my neighbor but she loves me as a brother and since we live a minute away from each other I want to stay friends but its hard because I have feelings for her. Yesterday was terrible I was staying with her at the beach and she invited another guy over and he had his arm around her and she used to let me do that (in fact the night before one it was just me and her watching tv) but today she wouldn't act like I could get close to her. Finally I just felt like the odd man out so I packed up my shit and drove three hours back to my house. She was all sad and shit because she wasn't allowed to hang out with this kid anymore after I left so now she is pissed at me because I told her I love her and can't handle seeing another guy touching her but I want to stay friends. I really just want to be able to hang out sometimes just us two and no one else not because we do anything different but because I don't like being the third wheel when she ditches me. I told her I want to be friends and she said "well I don't know IMO" then she was saying there is no such thing as love. I am hurt really bad to the point where I started to tear up a little on the drive home and I never cry so this was hard for me. I never loved someone so much and gave so much to just get a slap in the face but Im afraid to give up on a friendship or possible girlfriend down the road. I am 17 and never had a girlfriend just girls that I loved who said they love me but won't date me and it hurts. I feel sick and depressed and violent and angry but I don't know how to move on.My question is what should I do? plain and simple I need to move on but there are not many girls I am attracted to who would give me a chance to hang out with or get to know me and this last girl my neighbor was one of them. She made me feel special again something I missed a lot but its gone now.I just want love and attraction but I can't ever get it
View related questions:
depressed, move on, never had a girlfriend, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2011): hey bubby shes obviously not worth your time if she cant see how great of a guy you are by now then she is not worth spending your time with so....i know this is going to be really hard but it wll all work out and based on what ive just read youll find somebody who loves you and just as much as you love them so hang in there buddy good luck
A
male
reader, justfriends +, writes (22 June 2011):
justfriends is verified as being by the original poster of the question see the problem is she see's me as a friend but we have made out and friday night we went skinny dipping in the pool. and she thinks Im cute. So that is why I am saying I hope something may happen down the road. She gives me mixed signals so much and because of that I have a ton of regret for not doing things different some times.
So maybe if I distance myself enough she will want me back. I wouldn't like her so much if she didn't make me feel good when we are together and she has the perfect body or at least in my mind she does, a lot of my friends don't agree with my taste in girls but w/e
...............................
A
male
reader, shawncaff +, writes (21 June 2011):
 A couple things here:
One reason you say you want to remain friends with her is for something "to happen down the road." As many people on this site will tell you, and I think rightly, when girls see you as a friend, it is very hard to break that way of thinking to bring you into boyfriend territory. I would not remain friends with her solely because you want that to happen.
Another thing is that it was insensitive of her to be so close with that guy when she KNEW you liked her. And trust me, she definitely knows.
Finally, her statement about not believing in love is a definite red flag. What does she mean by that? Going on that, along with her other actions, makes her suspect in being girlfriend material. If she doesn't believe in love, then would she remain faithful? Is she really so cynical at 17?
I think you will continue to torture yourself if you continue as her friend. Break free now, as slowly as you want, but break free. And look for a girl who will love you as a boyfriend, not a brother. You will definitely find her.
...............................
A
female
reader, hannahmews  +, writes (21 June 2011):
 If you want to move on, I'd suggest that you remain friends with this girl- as cutting yourself off from her may just cause you to feel angry and hateful towards her. Just detach yourself, I know this will be hard for you, but just try. Every time you are with her and she begins flirting with other lads, just turn your emotions off and make an excuse and leave. If she is alienating you, and she is not including you in a group- explain to her that she is not acting like a good friend when she does this. She may well say your being stupid, but when it happens again, she will realize what she is doing- if she is a good friend, and stop this.It doesn't matter that there are not other girls you feel love for, or they feel love for you- you are only 17. You cannot mark this attraction as the end of your love life, but also you cannot believe her in that love doesn't exist. Of course it does. But she may see love as something huge, whereas you experience love much more freely and openly. It is great that you feel you are able to express this, but you must also understand that expressing your feelings too much can be a turn off. A girl wants to be told that you like her, and you want to get to know her and have fun- not that you love her and she is the only one. Either this girl will see that you just want to be friends, and that you can distance and restrain yourself and feel that she does like you in return- or she will just want to be friends. People’s feelings can change- but that also includes you. You may see another girl that you like. My suggestions overall would be to distance yourself emotionally from this girl, even though it is obviously good you have told her how you feel, don't expect anything in return. Also- be open to new relationships- meet other girls, but don't feel you must fall for one of them. You are 17 and are new to these kinds of relationships.
...............................
A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Well, dealing with this girl first. You don't want her as a friend. You can see what happens there by the beach. Friends are friends and she is perfectly within her rights to have a boyfriend or hug another guy. It sucks being the friend as you found out. What you really want is her as your exclusive girlfriend but, it seems she doesn't see you that way. Therefore, I would say don't hang around with her. It's all or nothing for you because it hurts watching her with someone else. With regards to other girls, keep looking at opportunities to speak and be with girls, and you will find that they will see you as a potential boyfriend. It does happen for sure, but don't invest too much more time in this girl if you are looking for a relationship. I do not believe she is girlfriend material.
...............................
|
