A
male
age
30-35,
*geek
writes:Ok I have a dilemma. Me and my girl have been going out for 7 months now. About everything is wonderful, but like every couple we have our issues. (not sure if the post is allowed, but it is a serious relationship problem i need help with)Plain and simple, I smoke pot. My girl dose not, she resents pot. I was smoking when we where going out we had a discussion where she wanted em to stop. I thought "ok sure I can stop for a bit" I did so, couple months later I took it back up (to me it is a way to relax and socialize, I dont smoke to get "high" I do it for the serenity"But recently I was blackmailed into telling her I was still smoking, the confession went better than I thought it would, but I did loose allot of trust. She has the idea I just smoked at a friends B-day. It is almost a part of me, the socializing aspects, just the calm, help sleeping, and what not. It is something I really don't want to change, but I am afraid to loose her.?What should I do, I know we need to make our own sacrifices, but is this one of those such things? How can i tell her it is something about me that is not likely to change? To make it sound reasonable.Addition:She has a fear of said drug, her father used to abuse her when he was drunk and High. Thus she is deathly afraid of drunks (literally I have witnessed her around someone who is quite drunk, she will be absolutely terrified, shrink and shirk away, if they say anything loud or angry she will hide and so on) something i have helped her with.But what should I do? I'm so confused about his......and I love her and do not want to loose her.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (3 April 2009):
Ok first, that serenity you talk about etc that IS getting high. That is what Pot does. You can try and make it sound like a medical supplement all you want but you are still getting high on a regular basis and lying to your girl about it. Also, unless you grow and process your own then you know it is going to be impure and many of the impurities you are smoking can cause paranoia and even schizophrenia.
I am afraid that although I have done pot and can understand your argument to an extent, I am siding with her.
She does not like drugs. She has seen the bad side and just because you haven't seen it yet doesn't mean you are never going to do something stupid or scare her.
I have no objection to someone who uses now and a again, but you sound like a regular smoker, and I know those and wouldn't want to be with them in a romantic way.
This is a clear choice. The drugs or her.
She has told you to choose so be a man and do it.
To be honest, I don't think you will choose her, you'll tell her you have but then you'll go and get high anyway, she's going to find out and dump you.
You'll really hurt her that way.
Why not be honest and just tell her now that you don't think you could ever quit. You're addicted to that feeling you get and don't want to lose it.
Then she can go and find a guy who'll put her first in life. Isn't that what she deserves?
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, say_anything +, writes (3 April 2009):
 i think it would be wise to stop. not just for the effect on your girlfriend and your relationship, but for yourself: you admitted "It is almost a part of me, the socializing aspects, just the calm, help sleeping, and what not", which sounds as if you are risking a psychological addiction to pot. which obviously is not something you would wish for yourself.
acknowledging that this is a problem in your relationship is a good step. i understand you may really miss pot at first if you do give it up (i suppose the same way a social drinker would feel if they gave up alcohol) but it would get easier and easier, and think of the trust and respect your girlfriend would have for you.
i think saving your relationship would make you much happier in the long run than continuing to smoke pot.
i hope you find a way to resolve this problem :)
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