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female
,
anonymous
writes: I have a huge problem. Its getting me down, and Ive no idea what to do.Ive been with this woman in a long distance relationship since last november, before this she lived in the uk. She moved to the other side of the world, but because we love each other so much we decided to try it, and she would come back to the uk after a year. However it has changed, and now she says she is happy where she is but she wants me to go and live there with her. I am 23 and she is 29 and she has her career already and i do not. I want to teach, and im finding it so difficault for her to say thats shes in love with me and wants to be with me forever, however she has now decided that she wants to stay over the other side of the world.I just dont know what to do, im not ready to leave my friends and family, but i dont want to lose the love of my life. And she is. Could anyone offer me some support?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2009): I think that if you don't want to leave, for whatever reasons, you should explain this to her, and maybe try and come up with a compromise, like arrange times when you can visit each other. I don't think you will lose her over this, or at least I don't think that has to happen. This is a two way thing, so your opinions and feelings count too.
I think that if you was to move over to be with her, you might not settle, especially if you miss your friends and family. You might decide that it is too difficult, and end up coming back anyway. Or it might cause strain in the relationship, and you might start to feel sad or resentful that you moved when you didn't want to.
I would advise just thinking hard about this decision (which I'm sure you already are), and hopefully, something else might occur to both of you which will be more suitable for you both. Take care. x
A
female
reader, baby_tinney  +, writes (14 June 2009):
 ok so if you are in love with her and you think she is the one then you could always go visit her and just see if you like it.I know new places can seem scarey and not knowing anyone at the new place sucks.But its also half the fun.My hubby and I move for his job about every 6 months.When it fist started I was scared to death.I didnt want to leave my family,friends,my life but if it meant being with him I had to try it out.And I love it we go see our family and friends whenever we can and my brother and sister comes sees on durning the summer and stuff.If you go and you dont like it then tell her.At least she will see that you tried and didnt give up on her and maybe she will see that yall belong together and she will move back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): You're right it is a hard one. My advice is to not let her go if she's the one. My girlfriend went to Canada and we managed 4 years long distance. Sadly she decided she was too lonely and broke off just before christmas. I could not join her because i have my children to raise. We had talked about me joining her later when the youngest went off to uni.
I am also a teacher. The thing to find out now is what qualification you can get in England, that will allow you to teach in the country she lives in. that way you can show her you intend to join her when your studying is completed. That gives you time to get use to the idea of oining her. In the meantime you can spend long holidays with her to see how you'd like living together.
Good luck I hope you and your girl can be happy
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A
female
reader, XKissX  +, writes (13 June 2009):
You need to see if you really love this woman. talk to her and see if she is the right one for you. Because there is no point leaving everything behind for something which may turn out to be a disaster. if it turns out that she is the one that you want to be with, go for it, in the end there is no reason why you couldn't come back to the uk on holiday to see friends and family.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2009): Hi, if you're not ready to move so far, just explain to her. Tell her calmly and make she understands your reasons for not feeling ready. Tell her you love her but just don't want to leave your home.
Maybe you'll be able to make a compromise about where the both of you live, just don't feel pressured to do what she wants!
Best Of luck
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