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male
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anonymous
writes: Me and my girlfriend of 3 years split up on Boxing Day (just over 2 weeks ago), and I’m absolutely distraught. We didn’t split because we wanted too – we knew that if we didn’t, we’d end up driving each other apart. Things hadn’t been great for a about a couple of months – we both go to different universities 80 miles apart so we only used to spend weekends together during term time and we used to end up falling out alot when we were apart - mainly because I thought that when she was at uni, she didn’t make enough time for our relationship – it always seemed like she had something better to do, which I found really frustrating. Phone calls and texts often turned into arguments because I used to think she didn’t have any time for me. She always got attention of other men and I often got quite jealous and upset at how much attention she used to give them back. When we we’re together at weekends we we’re always fine and used to love being with each other. We’d talk about our problems and then they’d be ok a week or so before things broke down again.Then, before Christmas I’d said to her in an e-mail that I needed us to be ok during my last term at uni as it was the most important 6 months of my life so far, and I needed to know that we’d be fine. On boxing day she broke down in tears on me and told me that she didn’t know what to do about our relationship– saying that she needed to find out if ‘we’ were what she really wanted – and the only way to do it is to have some time off and be single for a while. We both agreed that we don’t have to be apart forever and that by having some time off it will hopefully bring us back together, and that we’d try and stay good friends in between. What made it so hard is that we both admitted we’re still love in love with each other – she even said that if we weren’t both at uni she’s sure we’d be engaged by now, and I feel exactly the same. But it already feels like I’ve lost her.A couple of weeks have passed, I’m not sure that staying friends is a good idea. I’ve not been able to concentrate much on anything else but her, and so I’ve been thinking alot. I went round to pick some stuff up from her house the other day, only to find her with a man who only a few weeks before had told her he really liked her, and it really hurt and upset me. Now it feels like the only reason we’ve split up is so that she can lead the single life for 6 months. I’m not sure that hanging on just in case we might get back together some day is a good thing to do. I’m finding it really painful cos I’m still so in love with her, and I just don’t know what to do for the best. Maybe I should just cut her out from my life completely and forget about her? I’m scared of what the future holds, and of what’s going to happen. I’m scared that when she goes back to uni she’ll forget all about me and find someone else. I’m scared I’m going to get hurt more than I already am, and I’m scared I won’t be able to forgive her. I’m scared I’m going to lose the best friend I ever had in my life. What do I do? I Still love her.
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (11 January 2006):
 Hmmm tricky. Am unsure as to whether the title means she has expressly said she wants you back or you are just thinking she does because of how you broke up. You are both kind of in limbo right now and that is never a good place to be and it is always the place that hurts the most because there is no closure. She does seem to want to have her cake and eat it to be honest. She wants the freedom of being single with the security bonus of having you to go back too in six months.
I am not sure you are clear what you want. At the end you mention losing the best friend you have had in your life but it seems to me you want her back as a lover. Your friendship will come under enormous and maybe fatal strain if there is no clear position. Thing is friends date other people. I wouldn't cut her off completly but maybe you do need some space to heal. Maybe you should put the issue to one side while you focus on uni and see how things develop. Easier said than done i know. Sorry. Hope it helps.
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (10 January 2006):
You will never stop loving her no matter what she does to you but going back tothe past seldom works out in the long run. Consider the reasons you split up then weigh up whether you are emotionally strong enough to go through it all over again.The two key issues you will have to get over to make anything of the relationship are trust and forgiveness. Can you happily do those and with hand on heart say, you know for sure she wont ever hurt you again.No mate, stay friends with her but forget having her in your life long term.
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